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Ugh… again and again.

by Wisp

I wish I would stop lashing out at my boyfriend, well it’s never really going to get any better. I’ll probably end up driving him away in the end. Yeah imagine that, a fucked up person driving away another fucked up person. :O
I was mad because I wanted to meet 1st August but there’s only like 11 or 12 days away and he still hasn’t found accommodation. Not sure if he’s that BUSY with work, if I’m an asshole, or he’s just lazy. Or I didn’t give him enough notice. Or he doesn’t really want to meet me.
Now I’ll apologise yet again. Don’t care about this shit… yes I do… I’m attracted to him and its making me impatient, I guess at the same time I don’t want to look clingy and obsessed. I guess he doesn’t really trust me anyway. Nobody likes or trusts me. Well, my own fault really lol. Don’t want pity for that.

But I thought he’d be nicer too. I thought he really WANTED TO MEET ME. But he doesn’t actually always show it, which, NEWSFLASH, also makes me wonder.

I should go and cry in a corner forever. I don’t deserve anyone. He told me recently that he’d rather wait until he would get his own permanent place which really could take months… possibly even years. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING MEET HIM DOESN’T HE UNDERSTAND????????? god.

Yes, sometimes I do think of getting another boyfriend, but uhhh… nah. I don’t want to do that…


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a1957 7/20/2019 - 9:59 am

It is good that you express these thoughts. Most (all?) of us on on here got fucked over, either overtly or insidiously or both, making us “fucked up” to one degree or another. The fucking over we got , nature/nurture/bit of both, put us on here so the fuck over was/is real.
You are, underneath it all, a quite decent human. I am sure you never earned what did/did not happen to you in the past.

Cause of Death: Suicide 7/20/2019 - 4:13 pm

Well a lot of guys look that same. If you are interested in him just for the way he looks, you could find at least 10,000 guys that look exactly like him

ashadow 7/22/2019 - 8:23 am

I think it can be difficult meeting. And finding accommodations is sometimes not at the forefront, more an “I’ll get to it when I have time” deal (and work can take quite a toll outside of working hours in getting things done) that has the time pass quicker than expected. Some people also just procrastinate.

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