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Love is complicated

by notwanted

Hey guys! This… might not really be the best place to ask for relationship advice, but I don’t really know anywhere else to turn.
My boyfriend stopped texting me two days ago (this is REALLY off for us) and came back today. He is “sad” that I didn’t call him, even though he was ignoring me, and I honestly assumed his phone must have been dead. His only explanation was that he is “just bummed.” So I’m assuming he was kinda depressed. He took forever to even say that, he didn’t call me on his work break like usual, yet when I asked him about it he says everything is fine. I try really hard to be the chill girlfriend who doesn’t question things and does her best to make sure everyone else is happy before caring about herself, but I’ve gotten only one half hearted apology about only one small insignificant part of this. He’s put me through anxiety and stress all day worried about what’s wrong. Perhaps I’m only imagining it, but it feels like he blames me for not making further attempts to contact him while he was ignoring me. I’ve dealt with depression for a very long time, and I know people go through it differently. But I have never toyed with someone’s heart and purposely ignored them and been horrible to them just because I’m having a bad day. I don’t care if he wants to have a day to himself! But all this just seems cruel. What do you guys think?

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Cause of Death: Suicide 8/14/2019 - 11:55 pm

Probably with another girl, I don’t know any other reason why he wouldn’t message you. Looking back when I was much, much younger -probably your age- it seemed like one of my girlfriends did that to me and actually the same day she didn’t text me back, she was sucking some other dudes cock in her bedroom that day. Oh well, they were both hideous. I’m not trying to make you nervous to assume that but I’m just saying. You never know. Pretty sure you wouldn’t want to waste more time on this guy if that is what is going on lol, dime a dozen right,? I don’t blame her for sucking his cock that day because you’ll find relationships are only for the sexually hungry or the sexual fiends, which I was not and she was. I was suicidal before I ever met her so I can’t blame her for sucking his cock instead of texting me. I never liked her anyway lol, but my best advice should he be cheating on you is that life goes on, and you should never waste your time.

nutjobcantlove 8/15/2019 - 12:08 pm

I couldn’t relate to it, sorry. My boyfriend blocked me after 9 months to being together, so..
Whatever it is, pls don’t let your imaginations run wild – it only spoils your peace of mind. Let this go and low-key watch if this pattern continues.

muspelhem 8/15/2019 - 2:45 pm

Both of you sound manipulative. Not in a malicious kind of way, but maybe because you don’t know a better way to have relationships with people. Your boyfriend trying to psych you into calling him/testing whether you would call him: that is manipulative.

But also you, in that you seem to be trying to perform for him, and the role you are putting on could be called “the chill girlfriend”. In return, you hope for him to treat you better.

Neither of you lived up to each other’s expectations, so now there is mutual resentment.

(All of this is just my interpretation.)

What is the solution? I think maybe it is to see life, and your relationship, not as a stage where you have to perform a role for others. Not as a game with rules, where if you follow them, you get a reward. Or more pithily:

DON’T TREAT LIFE AS A PERFORMANCE

Instead, treat life as a buffet. Life is somewhere where you get to go after the things you want. You may not always get them, but you have the opportunity to try. If you want your boyfriend to treat you a certain way, TELL HIM. Simply ask for what you want. He may refuse to give it to you. Then you can reassess whether this is a relationship you want.

TREAT LIFE AS A BUFFET

Good luck

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