this is going to be really long and I don’t expect anyone to read I just need to vent or whatever. so I have never been diagnosed with anything, mainly because I am scared to disappoint my parents again after what my sister went through. I can remember I was always happy as a kid, at least my mom says so. it wasn’t until I was 11 I remember feeling so lonely in my group of friends. sad and unmotivated. quit all my activities because of how uninterested I had gotten. then came the distancing from everyone and everything. I think what triggered it was my losing my nanny, my second mom. several “attempted suicides” mainly me sitting in bed with pills, or standing on the side walk wanting to jump out. And it was when I was 12-13 when I self harmed. I eventually stopped because I moved and threw out my razor. ever since then I just been the same way. and now that me and my sister talk more and talk about our mental health she says she thinks we could be bi-polar. I never thought I could. my dad was diagnosed with bi polar disorder. And it wasn’t until recently I have become more aware of “symptoms.” thoughts of suicide, unwanted thoughts, major anxiety, manic episodes, impulse decisions, trying to take on new things, but just becoming uninterested, disconnected socially literally have no friends, being super emotional, crying out of no where for no reason, or being super hyper. hard time focusing, thoughts overwhelm me, excessive sleep or no sleep, cleaning the entire house randomly, very frustrated easily, starting fights and arguments, restless, not being able to sleep, paranoia extreme. there is so much more I have been documenting things throughout the last few days. maybe I’m over dramatizing it I don’t know. I just want to document this for the next time.
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No offense and please please do not take this the wrong way, but as someone who truly truly cares and has been through exactly the same emotions youre describing. I wish to god someone had sat me down and explained this basic crap to me, at your age, now, at age 52, ive spent my life thinking im mentally ill. And it was just me riding the roller coaster of female hormonal hell. Please track your cycle and emotions, journal it! Please! Reading what you wrote correlates exactly to puberty and your female hormones cycling. Bi polar is a switch from positive to negative emotions. What do you think happens with your cycle every month? Estrogen is a positive hormone and helps produce serotonin. It starts rising day 1, then day 10-14 progesterone starts rising and estrogen drops. Progesterone is the trouble hormone, think pms, anger, its the relaxing hormone. Read up on all this. I may be wrong. But i see so much mental illness that is simple problems. I dont want to see other women suffer the fate i did. If you feel this is it, i dont know the treatment. But seek help from a knowledgable doctor, preferably a holisitc doctor who can help you without hormones, maybe some supplements and diet changes. I be,ieve you can be well. Do not take lithium or other bi polar drugs.