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I need some serious advice.

by imserious

Hi, I’m new here. Let’s cut to the chase, I’m a college student have been struggling with this stuff for a while. I’ve got in trouble two times in college for drinking the last 2 weeks. I’m never going to make the same mistake again but I can’t live with my pain plus this all going on.  It’s going on my record and I can’t bear it anymore.  This struggle of mine has been going on for years and it’s only made it worse. I feel alone and scared but I’m finally ready after all these years. How do I write my note to be most sensitive to my parents and siblings. That’s the last thing I finally care about anymore. What can I say to let them know it’s not their fault. It’s my doing, my choice and it’s going to happen.

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8 comments

Soda 9/7/2019 - 11:57 pm

College/University is one of the hardest times in one’s life. I’ve been there and I know it’s a pressure-cooker. But don’t think it’s the end of the world if you don’t graduate, you can always choose a different path for yourself.

I’d recommend maybe talking to your parents about the stress you’re going through. Perhaps if you took a year off, it’ll help you feel better and more prepared for studying. Frankly uni is also the best years of your life, if you play your cards right.

What I might do is the day I decide to end things, I’ll probably record a video that I’ll leave with someone I trust. I might add a password which I can email to them just before I do the deed. A note works fine too I guess.

imserious 9/8/2019 - 12:09 am

It’s not the academics. I really do love school. It’s just I have screwed up so bad there is no way going back. The only good this is when I go at least my uni money will be given to my brother. I’m also just so humiliated because everyone knows I was puking and that this last time (yesterday) I was brought to the hospital. The video sounds like a good idea. Not sure I could get anyone to do that favor for me unfortunately to keep the password.

Soda 9/8/2019 - 12:50 am

We’ve all made stupid, even terrible mistakes, even if it’s on your record if they allow you to finish your studies, I don’t see the problem. Just keep your drinking in check and you can get through school.

I also made what was perceived by so-called ‘friends’ as a mistake during university, however I was sticking to my principles while some people lied about me and ruined my reputation.

Since I was in a difficult program you can’t graduate without help from colleagues, so I just stayed back one year and made a whole new set of friends and then I graduated. So you’re not alone in this.

Tell a close friend/relative that you’re leaving a very important confidential file for them to hold onto. Don’t tell them it’s your suicide video. On the day you decide to commit, then email them the password so they can unlock the video by the time you’re “gone.”

Or your can simply email the video to them the day you decide to go, assuming the file isn’t too big, there are other ways to send it.

imserious 9/8/2019 - 2:03 am

Thanks I appreciate the advice. I’ll see what comes my way the next month and make my decision about my path then. Thank you.

Soda 9/8/2019 - 12:15 pm

My pleasure, all the best.

rocketman 9/8/2019 - 7:27 am

Sorry screwing up a couple times doesn’t equal off yourself in my book, your record isn’t your big problem, you need to learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them, people look at records as oh this person messed up then learned a lesson and corrected it. Everyone messes up EVERYONE!

imserious 9/8/2019 - 8:41 am

It’s one of many things. It’s not like this just happened and I was like hmm yea let me have these thoughts. It just makes the pain so much worse with this and who knows what is next I can’t have anymore pain. I understand what you are saying but for me it’s been a long time coming.

ending.peaceful 9/10/2019 - 2:50 pm

As a person who took 300 phenobarbital and drank a bottle of gin and lived…It was the worst time of my life when I came to in the hospital. I was too worried about all the blood and gore if I shot myself and was found 48 hours after taking all of that crap.

But the point is — no matter how bad life is, No matter what you write in the note, the pain I saw in the faces of those that loved me was the worst thing I ever saw. Realize hurting yourself is hurting those that love you as much. Suicide is a selfish act unless you have exhausted all resources — get counseling. Call the suicide hot line. There is no shame in needing a hand as long as you pass it forward after your crisis has subsided. You have no right to suicide unless you have done the work to fix you and it failed. And nothing should fail unless it is a physical deformity that causes never ending pain. Mental pain can be dealt with if you do some work.

As far as humiliation goes…Who expects you to be perfect..I would guess only you.. Life is but one humiliation after another, one trial after another, one failure after another, until you win. All those negatives in the sentence prior to winning build character.

Notes are a joke. Any relatives and people who care will persecute themselves forever wondering what did they miss? Could they have stopped you? How did they not realize you were in pain?

Being drunk in college is not a life changer. Being a felon is. Being someone who attempted suicide is.

Work on you. You know what the problem is by your words. Takes a lot of character to go to an open AA meeting. Been there done that..Scared to death my first time. But people there care and can help. You have already taken the first of the twelve steps by admitting a substance controls you and you are powerless against it. Go on, find an open meeting online and take a chance of an hour. All they will ask is your first name and all you have to do is if you speak, be honest.

You are not defined by the mistakes you make but how you react to them.

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