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by thehusk

I’m so insanely fucking lonely. And desperate. It’s utterly pathetic. I’ve never not been alone, since I was a kid. I’m too far gone at this point…too isolated and weird. Like I froze my social development at an infant level, but then added all this fucked up stuff on top. I don’t think I’m even capable of being with anyone now. I have no idea how to interact with people in a natural or spontaneous way. I can’t ever relax around others. I hate myself when I’m talking to people. I hate the things that come out of my mouth. I hate myself basically. And that’s not even taking into account all the fucked up awfulness in my mind.

Fuck. I’ve got to find some way to stop wanting to be with someone. Or some way to get to know people that doesn’t make me want to self-immolate. Or I need stronger drugs. Or to finally give up the ghost and end it. I can’t go on wanting like this anymore. It hurts too much.


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unknown 9/14/2019 - 6:51 pm

i am always also constantly wanting be with someone. but i can’t. i have had friends for about 5 years now. all i had around was “family”. i just don’t know how to talk to people anymore.

thehusk 9/14/2019 - 7:07 pm

Yeah, I haven’t had even casual friends for 9 years now (not sure I ever had close friends.) I still have family, but even with them I struggle to be around them – it’s like my negativity just infects every interaction. I mean it was bad enough being a lonely teenager, but at least back then I could convince myself I would grow out of it. Still being in the same spot all these years later is just sad.

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 7:19 pm

Well actually I had a lot of good friends when I was young but they all destroyed their lives one way or another, now that I’m older the people I’m around are all busy fighting to survive they don’t even have time to socialize! when your young no cares in the world, people change, friends get married then disappear when you see them they are all fucked up fighting with a bunch of kids! 🙂 Part time friends are good when you can find them.

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 7:29 pm

Remember when your in a relationship you lose your freedom your money your balls and your mind! 🙂 Lol
I’m joking around but being single has it perks too!

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 7:43 pm

Remember this when your feeling lonely!

thehusks wife: Hi I’m back from shopping!
thehusk: What’s this shit? GAIN BELT? What kind of beer is that? 🙁
thehusks wife: Oh it was on sale! $2 a six pack! Along with this new dress! I saved $50 dollars on it! 🙂
thehusk: can pops, glup gulp SPIT!! AWWW! 🙁
thehusks wife: Clean that mess up! Don’t I look good in my new dress! 🙂

thehusk 9/14/2019 - 8:03 pm

lol, yes, I accept that relationships can also suck. Unfortunately knowing that doesn’t stop me wanting one. Just not the domestic disputes that inevitably arise.

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 8:32 pm

Yeah I’ve learned I’ve had a few! If I go out I put them to the test, I ask what do you feel like eating! If they say mexican food and don’t say I don’t know what would you like? RED FLAG!
Remember first you fall in lust then you fall in a ring of fire! BURN BABY BURN!!!
Well it’s good to think about pros but remember the cons too! If someone special comes along that’s great but they grow on tree’s. I’m trying to make you feel better.

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 8:39 pm

Don’t grow on tree’s! 🙂

rocketman 9/14/2019 - 8:40 pm

And yes ladies same thing goes for guy’s 🙂

Teresa's Child 9/15/2019 - 12:45 am

I’m in the same boat. Lonely, but every time I talk to anyone I feel disgusted with both them and myself.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/15/2019 - 2:33 am

I love myself but god dammit I hate every person I’ve ever met… I’ve planned since a young age I’ve got to get out of here, hopefully to be completely alone for the rest of my life. God dam I hate those people

Ben777 9/15/2019 - 3:12 am

I’m deliberate isolated for years. It only get worse (or better?). Now even if I could I wouldn’t go back to my social life. People in general are useless.

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