last night, party, emotional breakdown in front of everyone. i never wanted them to see me like that, i never wanted to spread my issues onto the others and hurt them, yet i did. i can’t keep living like this, one day i wake up and try to get everything back on track, another day i wake up with voices filled up in my head, i haven’t eaten a proper meal a long time, i should but i don’t think i need to, i stopped getting hungry. we only had 12 beers unopened and they gave me 3, not nearly enough, my head cleared up from the cold. a phone call from her, i broke down into pieces, in front of everyone that already hates me, the way the looked at me, i can feel it, i can see it, i couldn’t control it, i destroyed the last bit of joy in everyone, if only i could stop the self pity and stop making a scene at places, if only i could be happy again.
i’m slowly going insane, from all the thoughts. thinking from everyone else’s perspective, their emotions, the world, everything that i’m unable to change, everything that i see, everything i longed for, everything i give out that’ll never come back in return.
my life is falling apart.
3 comments
my father might be cheating again, i might be getting a brother, i saw his search history and yesterday he searched for “boy name that goes with the last name chi”.
my last name is chi.
A cheating father , oh man. So plenty of turmoil in the home. His focus is on her. Your needs and relationship with him are not likely to get enough of his attention. Sorry to hear this.
it’s alright, at this point it’s just piece to a bigger problem i guess