It’s my own fault for getting into this situation. I’m too connected to a friend, I’m becoming fucking codependent, and that’s fucking disgusting. He’s my only friend, and he puts up with me all the time, and I’m too much all of the fucking time. He’s super busy lately, and I don’t think he likes me so much anymore, which is fine and I need to accept that and shut the fuck up and calm down. But I’m fucking disgusting and I’ve been leeching off of him. I don’t feel good about that. I can barely act like a normal human being. I’m going to drop off the face of the earth. I just need to go away from everyone. I need to not exist. I need to not ruin everything for everyone. Ever since I was born, I’ve been nothing but a huge fucking weight to everyone around me. I’m done. I’m done being an anchor to everyone I love.
Either this week or after finals. Then it’s over. I’ll walk to a gas station and off myself in the bathroom, just like the pathetic, disgusting piece of shit I’ve always been. No fucking around this time.
3 comments
You remind me of myself. Everything is your fault and you deserve to die type thing.
Well, I’m not exactly as dramatic as you. I’ve just never enjoyed my life and I’ve never had any friends or family to disappoint. I’ve never really hated myself, but I’ve never had any real reason not to commit suicide. Every day of my life has been fairly empty, but rather it be empty than to be followed by weirdos.
I read a lot of your other posts, by the way.
I don’t know how much of a difference it makes, but despite the sad (understatement, I know) contents of your post, I was glad to see that you were still posting because it meant you’re still alive. And I know that kind of sucks sometimes, but it’s good to know you’re still around.