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My Life is a Joke. Hahahah.

by heartbreak_child

My life has gotten so fucking terrible lately, it’s funny just because of how ridiculously horrible it is. I’m finally ready to die, and have figured out a way to kill myself. I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the year 2020, and everyone else would be better off without me.

I know people would miss me and cry over me and shit, but I hold everyone back, and that’s just a fact you can’t avoid. I have suffered almost every mental illness that exists, and I feel like I’m in a point in life right before death: I know I’m about to die, so I almost take a little comfort in it, and become a little crazy. It’s like people dying from hypothermia: right before they die, they feel warm, almost hot, that they try to bury themselves in the snow. That may not make any sense, but whatever. Fuck it, I’m going crazy.

See yall in the afterlife,  cuz I’m so done with my bullshit life. The amount of tragedy, heartbreak, heartache, guilt, and regret I’ve endured is ridiculus. Haha.

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PPPP3 11/13/2019 - 9:02 pm

Hi- Would it be ok to ask your age? I’m guessing ur young (under 25)? Regardless, obviously ur severely depressed + looking at your life in the most negative view imaginable- I hope u can get the right tx + care for that very soon.
And, although I respect (believe) that your life sucks really, really bad + likely U have had many traumatic events to support that (MANY of us here have) ;
I actually have met MANY amazing people (older than 30ish) who give full credit to the severe challenges + horrors they experienced earlier in their lives, as the #1 reason they became so successful + joyful + content later in life.
I love talking to people like that. They are inspiring + usually very kind.

Sucky situations really do build character, empathy + strength.
And I hope u can think about that for a few mins, hours…Who you will become when you get on the other side of the mountain?
It’s like paying your dues now for blessings you will experience later.

I don’t expect you to believe me at this moment (because it’s hard to see positive future possibilities when ur in a very depressed state). Actually depression creates irrational + unreasonable thinking in us all (things always appear much worse or more intolerable than they really are).
It’s sort of like all the good chemicals/hormones in our body are completely blocked!
Please, just think about it, there might actually be a day when u will feel thankful for all the sh-t u went through now, cause u know that’s solely why u turned out so amazingly STRONG later on.
People with easy lives are really boring + fragile, and typically also very selfish.
You never will be.
Do u get what I mean? I hope so.
And I hope I’m right about you.
And btw I am deeply depressed + exhausted as I write this- When I try to go to sleep I always prayI will not wake up.
But that’s my only hope- that all I’m going through now that I consider INTOLERABLE, if I do actually make it through the darkness, + do not physically or mentally collapse, the light will be that much brighter, later on.
If my theory is wrong, all I can say is “I’m sorry”.
And feel free to let me know that it just sounds like BS.
But, I really do believe it’s the truth based on some very amazing + successful people I’ve met or heard about in my lifetime.

heartbreak_child 11/20/2019 - 7:35 pm

I know this is a bit late but I can’t express how much this helps me. Thank you so much for your wisdom…it means a lot.

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/18/2019 - 2:16 am

I’ve been trying to kill myself for 15 years. I don’t really know how. Apparently, some people (I don’t know who) want me alive, (and I also really don’t know why.) I don’t, personally, as an individual, have any reason to not kill myself by the morning. I don’t have any good memories, any days of my life that were worth living, any good things that have ever happened to me. I’ve been trying to run away since I was 8 years old and planning to commit suicide since I was 11 years old. I’ve never felt happiness……… I’ve cried myself to sleep every night of my life and I wake up every day to nothing and no one.

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