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Borderline Personality Disorder

by Abandoned

I know i cant be alone. I think everyone hates me. Im seeing anger where they swear up and down they arent. There has to be some way to cope. Some way to figure out what is true vs whats not. I feel like im going crazy constantly asking if people are mad at me. Everytime they say no. Are they lying? Am i seeing emotions that arent there? What do i do?

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5 comments

postalservice 12/10/2019 - 3:58 am

Just hug them. It makes feelings of abandonment go away.

It'll Be Ok 12/10/2019 - 5:22 am

I wish it worked that way but sadly it only makes me feel more rejected

postalservice 12/11/2019 - 2:58 am

:/ my girlfriend has bpd. It helps prevent her from splitting usually.

It'll Be Ok 12/11/2019 - 3:06 am

Hugs are just a reminder to me that I shouldn’t be here. They are trying to hold me up when all I want to do is fall and not get back up.

WrongPuzzlePiece 12/11/2019 - 7:42 pm

> when all I want to do is fall and not get back up

At points it seems like self-hatred and self-sabotage. It sounds so stupid when analysing it… I am lately wondering how I can get rid of these stupid, counter-productive feelings, too.

> I think everyone hates me

You could think, alternatively, that everyone is typically absorbed in their life they don’t (usually) tend to hold grudges, or even notice about some behaviours. It is unlikely that most of the people you regularly interact with hate you. I think “normal” people don’t give such importance to mildly negative interactions as you do.

I am considering whether to try an extra logic-based layer and name it “fast-feeling processing”. When any feeling like that comes and is translated to a thought, the following questions should be made: (to discern reality and put in context) “Do they seem to really care about interactions with others they do not have a strong bond with?”, and also (to decide how to act) “If they don’t but have a strong bond, will they hold grudges [for long]? / If they do, what is the worst that can happen?”

Being aware and self-conscious at every moment is tiresome and will wear you out. You are probably seeing emotions that are not there (most of the time), or at least not in such a high intensity.

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