This is hard. Being lonely hurts. I know in my heart I am loved but I cant sit alone. I am lost. Completely and utterly depressed. I am suppressed with emptiness. I am not content. I can’t stop this. This feeling is painful. I am so tired of this. I can’t survive only a day a week. It’s too much. This feeling is too much. I love you, but this is hard. For so long I have had someone. I never had to sit alone for nights on end. This was gone so quickly. It’s been months and I still can’t handle this. My loneliness is coming back. I can’t keep the voices out forever and my addiction is hard to resist but it’s all I feel I can do. It keeps the bad thoughts away. I’m tired of being yelled at. A voice only I can hear. It gets louder with each day. It only goes away when I am with you. You scare it off. You keep it hidden. But with each day you aren’t here, it gets stronger and louder. It’s deafening. James said ‘silence is deafening’…. It is.
I don’t know how to make you understand. I am in pain, so much fucking pain. But we both know this isn’t something you cannot fix yet. I just wish I knew how to handle this on my own. I know I cant. This battle, I cannot win alone. I need you. I need you around me. You’re love is the only thing its afraid of. Its so powerful.
I don’t want it to take me.
I want to be with you forever.
And even longer after that…
Loneliness is unavoidable in life. Yet we humans are social beings. A tragedy this is. But then again isn’t life just one big huge tragedy? Are we not all destined to become nothing in the not too distant future? Perhaps the end is more beautiful. The end of love, the end of hate, guilt, sadness, the end of suffering. So peaceful you can’t even call it peace.