My laptop screen got broken in a fight tonight with my husband. He couldn’t understand why thatmade me so upset. “It’s just a laptop screen” he kept repeating.
This laptop, which I finally paid off in December, I bought it to do my second online job. I need it for that. I need that money. I have absolutely no money to spare. My next student loan payment is due Wednesday, I realized today I am just around $2.50 short.
Further, I am very clumsy. I have had to replace laptop screens multiple times. I hate it, it’s time consuming. And, I have so much to do on my plate already, this was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Great, one more task I have to do. Research laptop screens, pay a hefty price for it…shipping will undoubtedly be nasty as well. Oh and it was a touchscreen, so Im sure that will complicate things wonderfully.
I had to self-harm a bit to calm down, it’s the only thing I can do when I’m so upset. I’m just so tired now. I hate how much effort it is to plan dying. I hate how often I have to consider this. I’m almost 32, and since age 18 I’ve concluded suicide is my only option countless times. Y’know, I really think I ought to listen to that rational voice, it’s been right this entire time.
6 comments
I understand the way you feel, and it is not something that is unimportant, i have a panic attack whenever my dad comes near my stuff, he breaks things intentionally just to hurt me, and some people would say come on they’re items dont get uspet over items but they do not understand, its not only about the item it is about this whole shitshow and the way things are going on, and its too hard honestly it is.. But I’ve been planning to move out, far from toxic people, and to be honest i think i will do better, the only advice i can give you is to try and think what you would enjoy more than your present circumstances and try and pursue it(i know you probably tried this but this time it might actually work), i think it might really pay off, and don’t worry about others and dont stop doing things just because the others mind them, in this situation you have the right to try and be better even if you’re being mean or selfish, i think it’s worth a try, it would be sad for a person like you not to try again, i know we tried a lot and failed, but we can do it one more time… I feel you and I’m sending love to you, hopefully we’ll be better one day.
I have also found that suicide I have considered to be my only choice since I was 12 years old – unless I can get out of my circumstance, which I used to think I could do easily, until I started to be stalked, harassed and sexually abused in 2016. But I have found the only way to get out of my circumstance now is to commit suicide. I have been raped 190 times since 2016. Which is the worst thing ever for me because I am a homosexual – and it is usually the opposite gender that rapes me. Don’t get me wrong now – I would NEVER consensually have any sort of relations with the opposite gender!!!!!!!!! Lol. I can’t see anything I can do to escape this abuse and my sick memories of being raped 190 times as a 23 year old woman except to Kill Myself. I am 25 now.
All that has happened to you is so so wrong. You are a fellow very intelligent person. Sorry all this horror has robbed you of being the gifted being you really are.
If you live in Ohio, I’ve been doing that kind of work for decades and could do the job for you for a one time low, low price of probably like $20. I’m not picky. Regardless, I’m sure there are people around you who would help you out. Just make a CL posting for it.
Who are you talking to, Cause of Death: Suicide? Because if so, I’m not sure you know what you’re talking about. Chick’s legit, has been legit, and will remain legit. She’s also not a troll.
That was for COD/S. I still can’t this indent system straight some times.