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i deserve to die

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i am sinful. i drink until i pass out. i smoke up until i cant think. i cheat and lie. i selfharm until i feel the pain for days. i dont deserve to live.

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8 comments

hope432 3/31/2020 - 5:12 pm

Yes, you deserve to live because God put life and breath in you. Yes, you drink too much but you do it because you want to feel loved and unable to experience it you want to numb your pain. You smoke too much because you want to relax more and forget at least for a second. You cheat and lie because perhaps nobody really taught you self-respect and you look down to yourself. You self-harm because you cannot cope with the pain… Sinful or not, you are human and deserve love, respect and compassion.

DOA 3/31/2020 - 5:44 pm

I’ll be honest. You typically annoy me with your talk about God as I do not believe…..but thank you. I needed that. And I hate to admit it but….you’re right. It’s all true 🙂

negar 4/2/2020 - 7:39 pm

Based on your post I think you’re a great person
Great people deny that they are great maybe sometimes because others don’t understand or don’t tell them how great they are…you may say I’m just telling these silly things to make you feel good or you may think :” hey you even don’t know me so how you call me great ?” but I really mean what I say and I call you great because I know how it is when you are angry sad upset ect with yourself, when you’re blaming yourself you tell things to yourself and sometimes you exaggerate and these all just make you feel worse
I think you deserve being kind with yourself
I don’t know much about you that’s true
But I know how smoking and self harm is , I myself still can’t stop this self harm habbit and I keep hiding my wounds
I know about abuse and you know the worst thing is when your life sucks ,you yourself start revenging yourself
You deserve everything good
Your body and your inner person they all deserve being respected and treated kindly …I know my words may sound foolish but I just hope they may give slightest help … Be kind with yourself

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/2/2020 - 7:44 pm

Thank was so beautiful. Thank you for writing that.

theagonyandtheecstasy_ 3/31/2020 - 10:28 pm

Well.
You’re gifted with purpose and are beautiful. That’s what it means to say god to someone. Js.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/2/2020 - 7:41 pm

I started and stopped this answer about 7 times.

It all sound so trite what I am writing.

Why can’t you self harm if it helps you?

Why can’t we die if was want?

Who says sin isn’t the person who fails to live a genuine life true to all the ugly terrible things that are a pot of stew filled to the brim with events that just fell like so many leaves in their lives?

Who says sin isn’t the person who sleeps through their lives and doesn’t feel? Not in a way that they understand they don’t feel, but in a way they think they feel but in the end, did they ever really feel?

Soda 4/3/2020 - 12:06 am

Sometimes our worst enemy isn’t other people but ourselves. Despite being a smart person, I’ve planned my life poorly. I’ve given into certain vices/weaknesses that have come back to bite me.

I was too depressed, insecure, shy, weak when I had my greatest opportunities in life handed to me on a silver platter. I also became arrogant/cocky when I should’ve been more humble.

I learned about my strengths and weaknesses too late in life when it just didn’t even matter anymore.

As for being our worst enemy, one of them is a lack of self-control. When we were kids, we had our parents to keep us in line but when you become an adult then you are the master of your fate.

I’ve complained about my life here, but I’m partly if not largely responsible for not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, like sleeping and waking on time to work on my goals to get ahead in life.

Ultimately regardless of what happened to us and how we got here, we can still do things to make our lives better but it begins first by controlling ourselves. For example if you’re upset over being out of shape, then work out. We know the answers already, we just have to act on them.

Having said that I’m going to bed soon-one of the things I had to work on. 🙂

hope432 4/3/2020 - 3:41 am

“I also became arrogant/cocky when I should’ve been more humble.”

Have you ever thought that you actually felt insecure or disconnected from others? Because I had the same problem. People would think that I am arrogant while I was insecure….

“I’ve given into certain vices/weaknesses that have come back to bite me.”

In my opinion, it’s ok to have some vices. For example although I have completely given up smoking, when I used to smoke I would not smoke more than 5-6 cigarettes per day. We just need not to exaggerate. And we need to find something peaceful to do, perhaps even have some fun.

“when you become an adult then you are the master of your fate.”

I fully agree.

“For example if you’re upset over being out of shape, then work out. We know the answers already, we just have to act on them.”

Sometimes we need extra things to make us function normally. For example, I used to suffer from chronic fatigue and I could heal my disease through herbal remedies and lots of vitamins. Only now can I do my daily exercises. There was also a fog over my mind in the past. It seems that correct meditation does really help.

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