Almost suicide

I’ve tries to attempt suicide so many times I’ve lost count, but they never worked. about a month ago I deiced to take a whole bottle of pills my doctor gave me for my insomnia. At first I just felt high so I just laid there on my bed and listened to music and I could feel myself stop breathing but I started again. I get up went to the closet and throwing up. and let me remind you all this was before school, so I’m coming down stairs and I cant keep my balance at all so I just tried to play it off. in my head I’m thinking okay its just gonna feel like I’m high all day ill be fine. I get in the can and my stomach starts to hurt so bad and I start coughing and every time coughed I couldn’t breath and my sister call home and said it sounded like I couldn’t breath but I insisted I was fine and went to school. I got out the car and I was walking like I was drunk but I played it off and as soon as I got in school I laid on the bleachers and I just started throwing up and it was like my mind was gone. i started to choke and my friends got worried and called the principle and my memory got so bad every time i opened my mouth I forgot what I was about to say. and when I looked in the mirror I was pail and you could see all of my veins. every time I looked up I found that my mind slipped and I dosed off for a whole ten minutes. I was extremely sleepy and my breath was short I was scared that if I went to sleep I wouldn’t wake up again. I started to shake involuntarily so I tired to hide it but it wouldn’t work. I’m going to stop here but till this day I think there’s something wrong with me because I miss the feeling of almost being on the verge of death and not being able to breath, I even tired it again, I feel like I’m addicted to wanting to hurt myself but I’ve found something that I want to live for, more like someone even though time to time I still feel like hurting myself.