i feel like shit. i woke up feeling ok. i dont know what happened. and im not eating. i just looked at my breakfast and felt revolted pushing it aside. ive been dealing with a headache since yesterday. i took like 4 advil yesterday and today its even worse. everything was fine just an hour ago. it was actually amazing, i saw a bald eagle yesterday and it was no more then 20ft then me, i heard a coyote pack howling (which honestly scared me lol) and i was still going on about it this morning then i was doing some jigsaw puzzles and now i want to curl up in a ball and cry for no reason. my husband wants to do some gaming today and….idk. im not feeling suicidal just….maybe its just my headache causing this. is that even possible? im always one for getting headaches, i have one almost daily but i can typically get rid of it. not this one. take an advil, comes back after a few hours, take another advil, rinse repeat. ill try to fix this headache and maybe that will help although i have my doubts. but hey its been a week, one more day and ill beat my old record. although this time i have something to work towards…..a drink would probably help my headache though…….no i wont but its a thought
(oh if someone notices i got the day wrong let me know and ill change it. kind of hard to keep track of the days if i have it wrong lol)
update: dad “i love you i care” 4:44pm yep but you cant even wish me a happy easter and we rarely talk….ill believe it when you prove it but i think its too late for that. youve had since i was 18 when you first messaged me…..im 20 now almost 21
12 comments
I love seeing and hearing the animals, it makes me smile even when I’m down. It reminds me that not all of the earth is bad. Get feeling better and keep your eyes on the goal. I’m already proud of you and I don’t even know you. Your success makes me think maybe I stand a chance at fighting too.
the thing with “getting better” is you have to want to. if you dont truly want to then no one can help. and as far as my drinking and weed (drugs if i can get my hands on some) is concerned….i dont really want to. life is so much easier when you dont have to mentally be apart of it. thanks for being proud of me though. i smiled when i read that. i couldnt even make my own step father proud of me and i almost got heatstroke several times trying to
Headaches are the worst. But most likely they are a good sign that your body is detoxifying itself. 7 days is a great accomplishment for an alcoholic. I hope you don’t give up and are able to follow through with your goal of 30 days. Remember to drink plain water, it should help with the headaches. I’m a heavy alcoholic who still struggles with recovery. Drinking gave me pancreatitis and I still can’t seem to give it up. I understand how hard it can be to make it through even one day without it. If you relapse try not to beat yourself up over it. Do not use the ending of the streak as an excuse to stop trying. Every day you can get through without it is a victory worth being proud of.
i wouldnt be too proud of me. its not like ive been a heavy drinker for years. only about a month, but my friend wouldnt stop telling me he wished i wouldnt
I need a drink soooo bad :'(
I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me. Whats it matter if I have a drink? If I kick everyone out of my life no one will care.
I don’t know what you drink but consider a non-alcoholic version so it has a similar flavor without the repercussions. Like O’Douls beer.
I agree with Witheringhope, 7 days is already a great accomplishment, don’t beat yourself up for wanting a drink or if you do have a relapse, it just means you pick up where you left off.
The equivalent would be Orange crush and a lot of it. I buy orange Bacardi breezer. Sometimes I have a bit of Crown Royal and coke though
Well, can’t hurt to try? Both of those drinks have a strong flavor but it’s finding what works for you.
I.e. my grandpa kept a cigarette behind his ear for years after he quit smoking because it was habit to have one there, or they recommend to cutters to us a red pen or other means to replicate part of the habit. Just a thought.
As a cutter I’ve tried drawing on my arm and I can’t count how often I’ll read on youtube or something “I’m depressed and this helps” I’ve never really found anything that helped me. And I have been drinking a lot more pop lately. The problem I had earlier was my lack of drinking brought my short temper back and I hated myself for it, knowing going back to my ways would fix that.
All those random things they say to try didn’t help me either. The way I stopped in the past was putting distance between the cutting and the urge: Like they say to do with suicidal thoughts and which is currently working to keep me in this world. I would want to hurt myself so badly but would convince myself I needed to wait so many minutes or until something before doing it, I would fall asleep and wake up and the urge was gone. Wish I could use that to stop again, unfortunately the urges aren’t going away right now.
Enough about me.
While you are fighting this battle it seems normal to have a short fuse. Accept that and recognize that it is going to happen, remember to apologize if you overreact and try to be mindful of how you are reacting. One demon at a time, you can work on your temper when you are in a better place with the drugs/alcohol, you win the war one battle at a time, you can’t take the whole world on at once or you will get overwhelmed.
You’re right…but I dont exactly want to change. If I did I’d tell my husband so he’d stop taking me to the liquor store. Instead I’m hiding it from him. Being drunk just seems so much simpler. I was eating. I wasn’t suicidal. I stopped bashing my head off walls. Aside from being drunk….I was normal for a change.
As far as distancing myself from it I found the opposite. Once people stopped paying attention to me and left me alone with my blade…..I stopped doing it as much. Theres still the occasional time but it’s no wheres near as often.