21 birthday coming soon and I am not ready. I am still not ready to have an intimate relationship and I dont know if I ever will be. I think I made some progress over the years but then I just feel like Im the same shit I always was. I am not ready to kill myself either. I am stuck. Which one will it be? I wish someone would just like me randomly but I understand.. I dont like myself either. Or if someone just killed me randomly like a car accident. I just want the universe to decide it for me and take away my responsibility… 30 is my limit. 9 to go and if I wont be ready then, it is decided.
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This sounds so ridiculously similar to my own experience, it’s almost scary. I’m glad you’re waiting and really giving it some thought. I feel like people throw the word “suicide” around so lightly nowadays. It’s a big decision.
im turning 21 at the end of the month. and i wouldnt worry about the relationship thing too much. you should just wait until youre ready, until you find a guy you love and trust and that feels the same way about you.
I am a dude but thank you regardless. Trust me I would love to not worry about it and Im trying my best to not worry about it and I know that the fact that I worry about it makes me unattractive but still I just cant stop.
lol sorry about that. i try to use more generalized words when i dont know exactly who im talking to but i wasnt thinking this time.
did you ever try to research different therapies or coping mechanisms to try to not worry about it? thats typically what i do when i have a problem or i ask someone for advice, it use to be my friend id ask and sometimes the people here on sp but i think ill be relying on the people on sp a bit more for a bit (but thats a different thing)
Ye finding some professional help wouldnt be a bad idea. Im just putting it off. Im scared and idk I just dont feel like it but I know I should. I try to work on myself but deep down I kinda know that I will never be good enough for myself. Maybe its because of my upbringing but I dont want to make excuses Im sure some people had it much harder in childhood and they managed to fight through. I remember your name I think. Or no name or whatever 😀 I think I have seen you here I used to come here a lot like 2-1 year ago but I had a different username. I deleted that acc coz I didnt want to cry anymore it just made me cringe and it made it worse. Here I am again tho…
this is a new name. i changed it a little bit ago. im always changing names. so i doubt it was me you remember
Ah OK maybe I remember ur picture then? or maybe its just familiar to me and Ive seen it somewhere else. I am sorry for betrayal of your friend 🙁 People come and go I guess. I have friends but I have never really felt that much emotionally connected to anyone so that they could betray me so I dont know how it feels, I can only imagine. Stay strong I guess. Not really much inspiring words in me today… I swear I just wanna feel OK for longer then a couple minutes. It is so hard to control my thoughts and it is so easy to slip to the bad ones. I need to find the time to learn meditation that could maybe help a bit. I still hope this shit will end good for me but its just so hard to believe it sometimes 🙁
the picture has been connected to a few names. the one before this was a black maple leaf that had this fading effect because im canadian and depressed so it fit lol
yeah lifes hard, but sometimes its best to just lay back and let the current take you to a dessert island away from the world for a little bit