Early morning thoughts

…one of those rare days when I wake up and not feel the inconceivably vast feelings and emotions that usually bothers me every day, and I feel that I can do something productive today; like I’m feeling actually ‘fine’ but then I know as the day will grow with time, this emptiness takes over along with a strange numbness, which is not painful so it’s kind of bearable but at the same time, I don’t feel anything at all, not even joy or happiness. And so I want to get hold of the pain just to validate my existence. I don’t know what I’m writing, honestly. It’s so sad to admit the fact that my identity has shrunk and became one with the trauma and pain – without feeling all of it for a single day, I’m just a bone-muscle structure wandering in my house.