it’s been a while.

I’ve stopped finding happiness, like completely. I know happiness is just an illusion but it felt good when I had some. It doesn’t matter if I’m achieving something or someone close to me is. I thought I was getting better but what was happening was that I was just trying to forget the “fact” that I can’t run away, idk about others but I certainly can’t run away. Past stays there, in that little corner of this thing called mind. Also, I didn’t have a bad childhood, my family’s with me, I’m a good student (atleast that’s what everybody thinks), then what’s the problem? Like I said, I didn’t have a bad childhood, but things became f**ked up in 8th grade. I know that so many people go through much worse things. I just, every passing day, I’m getting more and more tired of this. Why can’t I just go? Is it that hard to die? In the end, we’re all gonna die, so why not right now? There’s a saying that goes like “if you were going to do it tomorrow, then do it today, if you were going to do it today, then do it now.” which basically means don’t left the job undone, do it ASAP. Now, why isn’t this applicable irl? Death is the final destination, so why do we keep waiting for tomorrow when we can die today? Like, as humans, we all have these dreams and aspirations but wHaT’s ThE pOiNt Of ThEsE wHeN dEaTh iS ThE FiNaL dEsTiNaTiOn ?