I made it though all my obligations. I don’t have to stay anymore to finish anything. It’s like this huge relief to not have something going on outside of normal work and home stuff: Too bad I hate one of those and fail at them both.
I’m ready, but I’m holding on to a last thread. I’m basically just waiting for the right feeling at this point as nothing is holding me back. I have my plan and method is ready, I just need the right time to just disappear.
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There’s the rub : Timing. It’s nigh on impossible to get the timing right for suicide. I can’t take my life now or in August because my Brother’s wife is having a baby, it would be so wrong to complete under those circumstances.These things said there is never a right time to complete, however some times are more wrong than others and the impending birth of a child is one of those times. When some time passes and things have settled down with the new child I know I’ll be back to square one wanting suicide but as things stand I’m stuck here for the moment.
More or less exactly that, except all that bad timing has passed. Anniversary, Birthdays, friendship obligations, they are all done. I am done, and it’s like taking a breath after holding it for so long. It was torture knowing I had to wait. Absolute torture. Now that I don’t have to wait I feel a little bit better. Of course, that’s how it works.
I hate life. Lol.