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Time to let go

by Abnormal.Thoughts

I made it though all my obligations. I don’t have to stay anymore to finish anything. It’s like this huge relief to not have something going on outside of normal work and home stuff: Too bad I hate one of those and fail at them both.
I’m ready, but I’m holding on to a last thread. I’m basically just waiting for the right feeling at this point as nothing is holding me back. I have my plan and method is ready, I just need the right time to just disappear.

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Rainwatch 7/1/2020 - 10:11 am

There’s the rub : Timing. It’s nigh on impossible to get the timing right for suicide. I can’t take my life now or in August because my Brother’s wife is having a baby, it would be so wrong to complete under those circumstances.These things said there is never a right time to complete, however some times are more wrong than others and the impending birth of a child is one of those times. When some time passes and things have settled down with the new child I know I’ll be back to square one wanting suicide but as things stand I’m stuck here for the moment.

Abnormal.Thoughts 7/1/2020 - 1:00 pm

More or less exactly that, except all that bad timing has passed. Anniversary, Birthdays, friendship obligations, they are all done. I am done, and it’s like taking a breath after holding it for so long. It was torture knowing I had to wait. Absolute torture. Now that I don’t have to wait I feel a little bit better. Of course, that’s how it works.
I hate life. Lol.

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