I Hate Myself

Why am I this way? I wish I was handsome. I wish I had a nice smile but I’m ashamed of my smile. I have so few friends, there has to be something wrong with me. I wish I was the type of person to draw people towards me. I wish I accomplished something in my life so that I could have something, so that my daughter could have something.  I wish I had a real family that really loved each other, unlike the weird, finite, or selfish love that is shown everywhere. I wish that I wasn’t a single dad. I wish I was somebody that was wanted. I wish that I was normal and didn’t think about this. I wish that if I left this world, I could come back as the person I wish I was and have the life I wished for. I hate who I am, I hate myself, I hate my life. I hate that I’m stupid and slow enough to wish for love. I hate that I want to be close to someone that loves me. I hate my feelings, I wish I could get rid of them for good without dying. Why am I this way? I hate myself.