I started a relationship two days ago, I’ve been single for one year and 8 months and in this time I went into the worst time of my depression, I was hospitalized in a me talk ward for 4 months because of suicide attempt and I had an extreme weight gain. I literally look like the worst version of myself at this moment. I have the worst self esteem ever and my insecurities are demons that literally don’t let me live a normal life. I still want to kill myself everyday, but I’m not planning to do it anytime soon. The point is that despite of all this, I found someone that actually wants me, that sees a future with me and think I am girlfriend material. Someone that thinks I’m pretty and makes me feel special. And after only two days, I want to break up…not because of him, just because I feel I will never be enough, he deserves so much better, i am the literal definition of train wreck as a person. So I KNOW that the best thing to do would break off and that I’m better off alone.
But for some reason I don’t do it
oh well idk what to say anymore. I hope you are okay wherever you’re reading this from
x
oriana
1 comment
I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been single ever since my suicide attempt more than 5yrs. I also feel like i’m better of alone and don’t want to be in a relationship, because I don’t want to be a burden on anyone else. I hate who I have become and I don’t love myself at all. So I feel I could never truly be loved nor could I believe that someone else could show me the definition of love. Honestly, but if I did happen to find someone who could make my days more bearable I think I would possibly be willing to give it a try. I personally think as long as he is aware of what your going through and you communicate your concerns it is worth giving it ago. Also I feel like 2 days really isn’t enough time to really get to know someone. If it was a instant connection than don’t ignore it, it’s rare to find a true connection these days. I would say start a friendship and go from there 🙂