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by ourdarkestparadise

I’m crushing on someone for the first time in over a year, but he likes someone else. We are so close, best friends; sometimes i think im enough and that he likes me but at the end of the day i know he doesn’t

if you saw my last post…I’m still drinking almost every night, its pretty bad right now. i started cutting again, which sucks i guess; most things suck though

everything is just so hard, i cry too much, i feel too much but at the same time i feel nothing at all. i don’t know what to do, or how to fix myself, i dont know if i can even fix myself or not. Maybe i deserve all this pain, maybe this life is meant for me.


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Rainwatch 10/19/2020 - 9:54 am

I was in that situation only last month. I couldn’t determine whether she had put me in the ” friendzone” or was interested. Then she started telling me she was going on various dates, I played it cool and showed no emotion. Suspiciously she claimed all these dates were disasters and then wanted to meet up with me. Now we’re seeing each other but I’m no happier.

ourdarkestparadise 10/20/2020 - 9:13 am

he has been hanging out with another girl a lot recently, but i honestly can’t tell if he wants me or her

c-note13 10/19/2020 - 10:14 am

you’re probably not gonna read this but whatever.

holy fuck, im kinda in the same situation right now. except i cant drink or smoke at home. if i get caught i’ll get kicked outta the house, so i smoke/vape outside regularly with my friends but drink rarely. i had a shitty breakup in 2018 and this is the first time i’ve had a crush since then. the girl lives 2700 kms away but my uni is 120 kms away from her place (i live abroad). she liked someone in canada, i guess she still likes him idk, we’re kinda close, text a lot and flirt quite a bit but i dont feel the spark. deep down, i have a feeling that she isn’t interested and i’ll get my heart broken soon. she knows i’ve a crush on her.

anyway, ive a test tomorrow and cant focus for shit. i might get my heart broken and you might get yours broken, but what do we do? we move. we fucking move.

ourdarkestparadise 10/20/2020 - 9:10 am

we are always flirting with each other and idk if its a joke or not, i know we do flirt as a joke but some of the things he says seems so serious.

I’ve liked him for like 3 months now, idk how to move on

c-note13 10/20/2020 - 11:53 am

fuck, im going through the same rn. she and i have moved on from simping/flirting to actually getting to know each other but i feel like im giving my 100% while she clearly isn’t. we talk about our day a lot, but i actually take out time from my busy schedule (im doing engineering) to talk to her while she comes online only when she’s free. i know it’ll hurt me, but im gonna trust the process and wait it out. if it works, it works. there’s no “step by step” process of moving on, it just happens over time. and i think it makes you grow as a person, gets you prepared for the next relationship or whatever.

c-note13 10/19/2020 - 10:18 am

call me edgy or whatever, but im 19 and sick of everything.

ourdarkestparadise 10/20/2020 - 9:14 am

dw I’m only 18 and im sick of everything too

c-note13 10/20/2020 - 1:00 pm

i feel like an idiot everyday, pining for someone who probably doesn’t give a fuck. but isn’t that what we all do?

Rationalist-Pragmatist 10/22/2020 - 3:02 am

Yep. 🙂

ourdarkestparadise 10/27/2020 - 12:53 pm

he keeps saying he loves me lots, i just cant help but feel he doesn’t…even if he does im pretty sure it isn’t in the way i love him

c-note13 10/29/2020 - 11:27 pm

how about you try opening up to him? i believe that 100% communication is key. i opened up to that girl and it worked out in my favor. give it a shot, if he doesn’t reciprocate, he never deserved you and you should move on to better things and better people.

Her0Reb313 10/20/2020 - 3:55 am

It might be also that he knows your character.. Perhaps he doesn’t allow himself to fully like you because you do cut, and are so hard on yourself.

From the outside looking in.. I feel like you might be too damaged for your best friend to want to date you. If he is truly your best friend, then certainly he knows about the self harm, self loathing.. This is a major red flag for some people, and it may be the reason why he doesn’t think of you fully in that way.

It might be time for personal change if EVER you want to see yourself with this person.

Many times people ask themselves, “Why doesn’t this person like me back?”
When the answer is blatantly clear.

You need to work on your self esteem, your inner issues,.

If you feel like self harming… In my opinion your FAR from being in a stable-healthy relationship.

Some people think their lives will get better if they end up with so and so, but more often than not that is NOT true. Damaged people have a tendency to create more damaged people if it’s on the lines of a romantic or personal relationship where the damaged person unloads all of those feelings.

If ever you want to live this idea in your mind, and have this person gravitate towards you, you need to WORK on yourself, and become a better version of yourself.

It seems to me you want this person more than you want to harm yourself… And if that is not a true statement, and for some reason you’d rather self harm… don’t expect to be in a relationship anytime soon.

Just an honest unbiased opinion.

I wish you well in your endeavors.


Abnormal.Thoughts 10/20/2020 - 8:27 am

Wow, I feel like maybe self harm is foreign to you, Her0Reb313.
I don’t disagree with everything you have said, we all need to work on ourselves, but self harm isn’t just so easy to simply stop and never return.
Also, there is no reason that someone who self harms can’t be in a stable relationship.
Also, if he is holding out because you cut then fuck him and you don’t need that kind of fair weather relationship.
Anyways, as someone with similar poor coping skills, I wish you the best on this.

ourdarkestparadise 10/20/2020 - 9:12 am

i do agree somewhat, i haven’t dated in a while and honestly im not ready for a relationship but i dont know how to get over him

muspelhem 10/20/2020 - 3:48 pm

The problem with that logic is that there will always be something to work on. Self-development never ends.

I’m 36, I’ve spent my whole life feeling insufficient and “working on myself” and guess what: what I have to offer just gets worse and worse as the years go by.

Loneliness, ageing, setbacks: they all take a toll.

If I had been smart, I would have done what software companies do: released v. 0.1 onto the dating scene and learned from my mistakes as I developed, instead of hiding away like a freak and biding my time in my comfort zone until some hypothetical future date where I feel okay with myself; a date that seems to keep retreating into the distance.

I also recall reading about research that showed that when “successful people” feel down, they connect more, they call someone, they meet up, they seek support – whereas “unsuccessful people” hide away when they feel down. Very relatable.

Wisp 10/27/2020 - 5:55 pm

I still like a guy but don’t really want a relationship now trying to take care of myself is already difficult enough, plus blah blah and the rest. we broke up twice, he lives approx 14000km away from me. hopefully he goes to bed laughing every night, as does his parents, I deserve it.

JudgeMeNot 10/29/2020 - 7:02 pm

Love is poison. Kill it.

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