I Can Feel It Again

It’s come again. It’s winter. I have depression year round, but I can’t help but feel a bit more frigid during the winter. It is the season where things die. I should be working on my group project right now. I’m thinking about quitting it. It’s an extracurricular thing. I’ve been useless throughout the entire process. I’ve contributed next to nothing. I just show up to the meetings and say that I’ll try and do this and that, and I never do anything worth while. I should quit, but it will be another thing I started and stopped again. Just another one of my many failures. Why can’t I be something good. Why can’t I be useful. I’ll never amount to anything. There is a meeting tomorrow and I’ll have to say again “I didn’t get anything done this week.” I should just die already. I’m not good enough. I think I want an easy life. The thing is, life isn’t easy. So what I want doesn’t exist. I’m ashamed that I want an easy life. I’m ashamed that I should be better. I will never be anything. What am I?