I did it. I told my team that I had to leave. I ran away again. I’m pathetic. I always run away when things get hard. I am a coward. I will never be anything. I love spider-man. I love My Hero Academia. I think I love those things, because those characters never give up. I love seeing them get up when everything is against them and win. How they never let themselves fail or run away. That’s what defines them. The get up no matter what. I’m nothing like that. I’m not a hero. I’m not anything. I remember as a young kid that I’d say sorry a lot when I mess up. When I was a small child and I spilled something or forget something or do something wrong, I’d say sorry. My parents would always say “Sorry doesn’t cut it. Stop saying you’re sorry when you always do this.” I’m terrified of failing and letting everyone down, so I do nothing. I am nothing. I don’t blame my parents for me being like this. I think something is just ingrained into me. Some sort of defect. That I’m just inherently broken. I don’t know. I just know it’s my fault.
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I just want you to know that it’s not your fault and that you’re not pathetic nor are you a coward and I’ll tell you why. We all make mistakes and it’s in our nature because we are only human. You are not a coward because that is just a term that people created to categorize others who’s flight response kicked in because they deemed it necessary to survive. The only cowards are those who think that being scared and your desire to flee when necessary. If you see this comment please know that you are not alone and that you deserve to be surrounded by people who understand and care about you and who can embrace everything about you.
I can relate too, and I’m almost 40, so I’m just a hopeless & useless failure/loser better to just die
I must have been really hard. I’m sorry it felt that way.