So here I am broken and despising my wonderful life and I have to face all the hell around me like my own Dad taking his own life 8 months ago and it wasn’t pretty. We all knew it was coming but most my family has no idea how I really feel inside except maybe my crazy ex. In her defense she is the most suicidal member of my family tree of all ironies. I spent years not knowing from one day to the next if she would succeed this time. She’s had 4 attempts that I know of. One she was in a comma for 2 weeks after shooting up an 8 ball of meth. That made me feel good. She has traumatized me in many different ways but even our son isn’t doing well and he is turning out like her. So im stuck pretending like Im OK you are OK and we are all friken OK. One of my sisters that found my dad is all kinds of friked up now but she won’t admit it as she blows fuses over insignificant things. She really hates my ex wife though and would really be pissed if she knew I even talked to her lol. So with all this no one wants to hear that I really just want to die although I told my mom but she just thought I was joking kinda maybe but she is also an Ostrich. I feel like Im in a prison and this COVID shlt isn’t helping much. Just another shltty day in paradise. I want to get back into writing and playing music but Im so wore out but Im gonna try. I have a lot of dark stuff I need to get out.
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5 comments
Hope your father has found a peace he needed and deserved. You can try and find it in life, if only for the kids’ sake. There may come a day when you look back on this terrible time with a sense of triumph.
You can share links to your writing and music if you like. A lot of folk here would appreciate that.
Thanks for your kindness. I have inserted some of my tunes into the post. I used to create WP sites so it was easy for me. They are in the media library if you want to download them.
Thank you for sharing your work, Robert. It’s really good. Tbh I wasn’t expecting studio quality stuff 🙂 I personally liked the fourth one Desert Highway.
Keep creating!
Have you got a YouTube channel?
No Youtube channel but I do have a decent recording studio. I used to be more active and had websites for my music but it all just faded away. When I was younger I would have given anything to have what I have now but now I feel so full of pain I can’t appreciate what I have.