I was messaged back by an old friend, someone I grew up with. Apparently they took my message as me pressuring them to see me and took a somewhat stern tone with me explaining how they’ve got bullshit going on… And there I was right on the other end expecting them to be glad to communicate with me. God forbid we actually have a conversation.
It has finally been cemented to me that the only time people don’t want anything to do with their phone is when communication is involved.
And I know it’s obvious saying this, but that is unless it’s fucking Snapchat, Tinder, Facebook or TikTok. It’s just… Unavoidable. The old ways… Of relationships and communication, are dead.
Why even bother being in this world anymore? Why even bother being in this world that doesn’t want us?
You’d think I learn something by now. You’d think I’d learn, that the only consistent thing in my life is disappointment, and formulate a pattern out of it and realize not to come to expect anything else out of people or this world.
This just further cements my decision. I’m not wanted, or needed, or even cared about here. My friend as I knew him, and our friendship, is for all intents and purposes, lost. Gone with the wind. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about. And they may as well just sleep. If only I had the resolve to do it. But I have pills. Pills that can help me. They’ll help me go down. And I know exactly how to do it. In fact, factually speaking, it’d be hard not to die under those circumstances, that make it so easy to die, or be free. But I think this world is too callow for death to be real. I don’t know what that means, but I know that I mean it. So I don’t know what lays on the other side of death. I hope Buddhists, and Nietzsche, aren’t right. You know how they say fire can’t burn itself? Fire is a property, right? Well, since life can never know itself or understand what it is, it makes sense to say that life is a property, just like fire, doesn’t it? Food for thought.
3 comments
I’m so very sorry your friend reacted that way. Despite what happened, maybe it’s not too late to reconnect with him. Do you feel comfortable having a serious conversation with him? I was thinking you could send him a message telling him how important his friendship was to you growing up. Tell him that you’ve been thinking about him, so you decided to check in. Tell him you didn’t mean for him to feel pressured to see you; you were just hoping to catch up with him over the phone. I can tell by this post how important his friendship is with you. Again, I’m so very sorry he reacted that way.
I’m glad you’re still here. You’re so very deserving of the pleasant surprises life still has in store for you.
Brah… No. I already DID all that STUFF. That was my initial message. And then he reacted the way he did. It has nothing to do with him personally. That’s just the way people are these days. Nothing anyone can do will change that.
Please, think logically; I do not say it in a way that is mean or negative, but rather in accordance that I believe in the mechanical dynamics between people. For example, the man in the video goes into Facebook, messages a lot of people he knew, and wishes to spend a day with at least one. There’s nothing wrong with this. Perhaps he could have been more straightforward, posting on his wall, for example “Anyone up for a beer tonight? A drinking buddy from the Bronx neighbourhood of New York”. It may have worked, it may have not.
His criticism is true, yours is too, that people become strangers once they don’t see each other daily, and I think this has unfortunately started to happen with families too. My point is, that people take the path of least resistance. I’m not saying it’s good, I’m just describing what I think I see is happening. So if they have no benefit from restarting their communications with an old childhood friend, then they won’t restart them, unfortunately. In their mind, I think that they think: “why would he not just go to the bar and meet a drinking buddy he gets along with”.
I agree, it’s truly unfortunate how de-personalized the world is becoming; hopefully we can improve it. I believe that people are best at childhood, and then they just become worse and worse. And the person of the video, as well as you, have retained some of the wonderfulness of being a child, I love it and would count myself in ^^,
Please know, that there is a way for people to care for each other, there is family, the close knit understanding between a husband and his best-friend wife. Yes, I agree, it is unfortunate that the level of interpersonal relevance has reduced to the direct family level.
Please, do rethink your choice, there still are people who care. Forgive me if my reply isn’t the best, I hope it’s at least good enough. But please, do rethink your choice, it’s about where one is; in other countries it’s different, in villages most people still take good care of their neighbours.
Thank you for your post ^^,
I felt called to reply to this post, because I remembered the man of that video today or yesterday.