right there with you, 33 years in, no arguments, and I’ve been suicidal for over a decade and still find the entire thing hopeless and pointless. Get that; you know the miserable pile your life feels like? You can go work hard for another decade, and you’ll still feel roughly the same. On one hand nothing changes. On the other hand if you adapt to it NOW, and stop expecting better, maybe you can do something about it.

I mean, we’re here chatting about it, thus clearly some sort of obstacle to death exists (though I admit that for a young person dying takes quite some effort) Do you want to clear that obstacle? Why or why not? It’s your life, your decision to make. If I were you I’d figure it out before you have dozens of people depending on you to fulfill your role. You’re still early yet, you don’t have to make the devil’s bargain of employment; get a camper pulled by a bike, ride around and scream at trees and call it art. It would be EXACTLY as impactful as what I do, but no one would complain if you stopped.

The real problem I’d bet is you care about something, and you’d like to be able to stop. If you work that out, do tell because I’ve been looking for 11 years.