No idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life. My entire life has imploded and welp maybe it is for the best. Maybe finally starting the 4th quarter of my life single is best.
Maybe just not being raped and abused is best. But FFS does change have to be so hard? I go back and forth between hope and hopelessness. Hate and sorrow. Nothing to show for almost two decades. Nothing but a few trinkets and well…
Thought of just putting a gun in my mouth again. I fantasize about that way too much. It never gets better, just gets different. I stuff it deep. I am insanely private in my life and rape, incest, drug abuse, mental illness, and just utter bullshit that has created the person I am today sometimes makes me want to just hit the hard restart button.
I don’t understand people. People are cruel, selfish, and I walk through my day baffled by just myself sometimes.
Well if you got this far..have a song. Kind of played out, but so am I.
2 comments
I can relate to the gun. I have one myself. And yes, I fantasize about it too. Even did some research to ensure no pain felt. And did a “test run” if I had to do it. All of this has been happening a lot more recently.
As for people being evil, I think they might not be conscious of their actions. They might think they are doing the right thing even if it is not in your best interest. Talking about common people here, not rapists and murderers. Those deserve application of justice with extreme prejudice.
Whoa! If you have experienced all these horrible things in your life, you are a very tough person. A common/normal person would have succumbed to it already. You are stronger than you think.
Not sure about if it is a restart button or an end button. I hope it is an end button (for me anyway). I sure do not want to restart. Once is enough for me!
Thank you for commenting. Truthfully. Thank you.