When you don’t care about anything anymore?
When you’re not doing anything to help yourself
When you’re only doing destructive things (in my case, literally not doing anything)
I’ve fallen into a deep pit of depression, despair, and self-loathing.
I cannot get out of this deep pit; it takes too much effort to.
While I don’t drink or do drugs, being depressed and doing nothing with my life is just as destructive. I don’t go out, I don’t have friends, I barely go out to get food to feed myself. It’s pathetic. I feel half dead already, not living life.
All I do every day is watch tv or movies to numb the pain of my life, the pain of being me.
I don’t know how to get back my “oompf” for life.
I’m not even trying anymore.
At least in the past I tried. And I did go out and do things and had some “fun” or whatever you call it.
But this time it’s pure 100% self destructive depression- doing nothing all day but mope and cry and trying to drown out the pain of being me.
6 comments
I don’t know. You try this, then you try that. Then you realize you’re just distracting yourself from a course of action that follows no real logic. It’s like the wandering penguin post recently, or like whales that beach themselves. They just say f*ck it, and start dying. It would seem this is going on in our lives too. I’m in a similar place. And it’s just oh so inviting to sink into it and go for the ride. It seems so carefree and irresponsible to just shut down. Lot of good I’m doing you, I know. And to top it all off, the universe is caddy whompus right now.
To corroborate with the previous commenter (Once), keeping busy/distracted is probably the way to go through life. In no particular order (yeah right), people get cats, dog(s), car(s), house(s), wife(ves), kid(s), mistress(es), divorce(s), lose all previously mentioned, and attempt to rebuild again, following the same “no particular order”. No time to think, too much keeping them occupied. But if you start just thinking about life itself, and its complete futility (at least that is my conclusion), then it goes downhill from there. I used to believe I was “happy”, always having something to do during the last 9 years. But recently, I simply stopped (well governments mandated lockdowns helped immensely) , questioned myself, and have been sinking since.
You could look at it on the bright side: You have probably mastered doing nothing at this point. Have a contest with a person that is extremely busy and not depressive. Challenge them to do absolutely nothing. See who will last the longest. My fiat currency is on you winning hands down, and absolutely annihilating the competition. That would actually be justice: feel what I feel. Get that life sucked out of you, positive person. Maybe we would get another person joining this site afterwards?
I really would like to help but cannot. I am in the same situation. So, tell you what: if either of us finds the magic potion, we share with the others. OK, now go forth!
Note: I am counting on you to figure it out (I have already given up).
Well, doing nothing isn’t exactly a talent to boast about. I’d rather be productive. In the past, at least I drowned out my depression by doing stuff. Now, I’m not capable of doing jack crap, and that makes me even more depressed. I’m utterly broken, and feel disgusted with myself that I’ve been such a useless loser for years. Such is the state of my life and my mind…
Yeah, drowning depression by keeping busy only works for so long. I know this on a personal level. And from what I read from other posts, a lot of us are in the same situation.
One of my buddy used to be a military member on a navy ship. I always wondered why they kept them so busy all the time (to the point of sometimes lacking sleep). Well, if you keep them constantly busy, they will no time to think how depressing it really is to be stuck on a ship in the middle of the ocean, ready for war. So the same applies to life. Keep busy, no time to think of how pointless existence really is. Same for work. No work, no pay. So no time to question, just execute. I have no passion per say, no hobby. I am certain if I had a hobby, and the drive to implement it, life would “probably” be better. I have lost pride in every projects I had (hence I stopped them all), even in my job. The only thing I am proud of in myself is my extreme honesty, to the point of self-destruction. But I guess now life is not lying to me, showing me the truth. And that truth is overwhelmingly unbearable. I discovered my true self, and nothing there is desirable, or even honorable (except my extreme honesty). So when I look at my upcoming life, I do not see any positive. Because I cannot lie to myself. Damn honesty! I tell ya: Ignorance is bliss.
I’m surprised you’re isolation hasn’t pushed you into drinking or doing drugs. Boredom is extremely challenging with depression on top of it.
Because I lost my emotions along with my charisma from being alone. I workout 3 days a week, which helps clear my mind. It isnt for everyone but my point is look deep into what makes you busy! Not happy. That’s the goal. The busy you are the less your mind has to think and feel negative.
I’m late to this party . . . my experience is the nearly the same as everyone else’s.
-I eat healthy.
-I exercise periodically– just enough to maintain. (In the past I was more stringent but had the same results mentally)
-I’ve done the cannabis route, but no longer. Less bliss now 🙂 but honestly same mentally.
-Recently found a stray dog. Love her. Love my grown kids, too. But same mentally.
-Gone without reading current events or reading alot. Same same
-Worked in groups. Worked alone. Not worked at all. Worked a little. Worked a lot. meh
-Ride bikes. Hike. Snorkel. Played games. Watched TV. Read books. *yawn*
-Taken Rx. Not taken Rx. Gone to therapy. Meditated. Sat for hours, days doing nothing.
Seriously. In a week. A month. A year. A hundred. A million. A billion. A trillion years. None of it, any of it matters. Any one who says otherwise is lying or delusional or trying to sell something.
Does the grass have to be productive? Do the fish? A deer? A dog? A bird? A cricket?
Are trees here for some grand purpose? Camels? Frogs? Whales?
Perhaps there is some Creator. Or Game Master.
My conclusion: I’ll do as little harm as I can. I won’t support anyone or anything that willingly does. I’ll love as much as I can, and be as kind to those I run across as I’m able. Other than that. I’ve promised my family I won’t kill myself. And, if I’m honest, I’m a little scared that what my follow may be worse than my current Life. (Shamanism, DMT realms, etc) 😛