and then followed them and tried to understand them and help them, wishing that they didn’t kill themselves because they are the best person you know
but no matter how much you tried, you weren’t able to find any good reason to stay alive and felt completely powerless and unable to help them
and now you’re suicidal and end up in hell, just like this one, this one website.
i have no faith in anything left in me anymore whatsoever.
why must it always be like this
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Life is screwed me over my whole life, so i can agree its hard to cheer other people up esp when ur trapped in your own hell and wish it would all end. All i can say is just be straight with that person and give em a genuine answer on why YOU want them to be alive
i always thought that wanting people to stay alive because they are valuable to me personally is shallow and egoistical
and when i started thinking about this after reading your comment the thought that people aren’t irreplaceable crossed my mind and i realized how horribly dark my soul is somewhere deep inside.
it reminded me of the movie “her love boils bathwater”, though i know that there were movies that would be even more on point in this case
When u tell them theyre valuable to you, go into a depth of what it is about them you consider “valueable”. Crazy thing about depressed people is we can spot an empty response a mile away. The more thought u put into it the more worthy u will seem to them and they will accept your answer and def not assume anything less of it.
i wouldn’t actually want to appear worthy to anyone because i know how empty inside i am in reality
but it works backwards for some reason, somehow
Your dilemma seriously reminds me of my friend matthew. He had similar thoughts about himself and he cared for damaged people but it took a toll on his own mental health as well. Idk what to say man other than maybe just focus on yourself and try not to save any1 else til your self worth is repaired
I have talked down a few ex girlfriends in the past from killing themselves. I always found a way. Then I met my wife and after about 5 years she went completely off the deep end and turned out to be Bipolar. She was chronically suicidal and finally overdosed on meth and ended up in a coma for 10 days. We divorced a few years ago and now she is back in my life. Now she knows what I have went thru because today im the one whom is suicidal. She is still a mess but im actually worse now then her. Funny how life works. She was really good to me today and she admitted she is scared for me. She will tell me to think about our kids and it does help. She gives me meds now lol like clonidine and it really does help. Just her being in my life kinda pushes me over the edge but I was born this way so I really can’t blame her. I have an old saying about her, “She didn’t mean it”. I am so screwed.
i actually read your posts before writing mine, so my post somewhat echoes yours. but you haven’t mentioned this dynamic of becoming infected with this futile and devastating pursuit of faith, so i tried to phrase it out the way i could.
i can relate to the inability to enjoy most of activities that i could enjoy in the past. the set of things that i could hold my attention to kept shrinking further and further year after year, it was like an anti scope creep, and that’s how i eventually ended up on this website.
i was scared of getting close to people for a very long time because i couldn’t appreciate the attention that they were giving me and i knew that i could poison them with the way i see the world.
and i ended up closer and closer to the environments where it was easy to spot suicidal people. and it just wrecks me so much. i just don’t understand why all of this has to keep happening the way it does
Um no
I mean as long as you aren’t calling them lame in the end.
Confusing them/Just showing up – and they didnt know you