It seems that like on my “good days” I’m a pessimist and on my “bad days” I reach my breaking point, turn into a full nihilist, lose my sanity and laugh at the very notion that my life has any value or deserves anything good. I can’t ignore the fact that nothing we do matters or that on a geological or cosmic scale we are utterly meaningless. So why should we view ourselves as having any value because I certainly can’t seem to do that no matter what other people tell me. Whenever someone tells me that my life is valuable I have to fight the urge to laugh or scoff. But that’s just me.
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Interesting, I waffle between being an existentialist and a nihilist. The only optimistic thought I ever have is that I hope that there is more, a god, an afterlife of some sort. That would be nice, we have no evidence, never have and never will. So, supposing that there is no meaning apart from that which we create for ourselves; that’s the answer, if you want a meaning, you need to make one.
I see myself as a man lost in the middle of a field; Shouting, “Where are the pancakes? My God, are there pancakes?” and many who deny external source of meaning also seem to want an external solution. All I have ever found as far as pancakes go is the ingredients and the recipe. I don’t make very good pancakes, and though I suppose that somewhere out there is a great diner with a top quality pancake chef, I haven’t arrived at such yet.
Suffering and happiness have significance, as much as anything can. Not to the cosmos, but to those who experience it. Meaning and value are felt, they’re not objective properties of matter. Your problem is one of feeling, not analysis or philosophy.
I definitely believe there is evidence of god, though. What is life but a series of waves…
I believe there is a god, but as for what that means? Who knows. I don’t believe it changes anything.
Anyway, you should look up Klay World: Pancake Mines.
I was watching a documentary once about the extinction of the dinosaurs. There was an image that cracked me up of a few dinosaurs running over a rocky terrain with a giant asteroid behind them, about to strike the Earth and wipe them out.
It then sort of hit me that is us, we’re just utterly alone and it’s also a random accident, due to the laws of nature that any life exists at all. There’s no great overseer in charge, nobody pulling the strings.
There was just a bunch of reptiles that were running on a giant rock and were about to go extinct. And now we’re here, hairless monkeys who’ve taken over this rock for a short while until it’s our turn to go, if we get hit with the same fate.
The more I’ve gotten away from religion the more I feel sorry for those still trapped in believing that ridiculous infantile little story invented by primitive humans when we were terrified of the dark and lightning and other things we didn’t understand.
What’s pathetic is that despite having all this knowledge (about science) at our fingertips, there are some of us who still think there’s some magic invisible puppeteer controlling everything, even though they know there is no such thing.
They believe in this fable and keep trying to convince the rest of us it’s real to make themselves feel better about their own self-delusion. When they’re told it’s mythology, they start playing silly defensive word games to keep that delusion going.
But back to your original post. There was a time I didn’t value myself or my life once I realized I wasn’t anything special (unlike what Christianity told me) and that I was here because two flawed humans decided to mate.
I resented my parents and my existence-but then I realized I was missing out on a lot of things in my life, walking around with a dark cloud over my head. I was depressed and at times I was in so much emotional turmoil I could’ve weeped at the drop of a hat.
Additionally I realized when you don’t value yourself, nobody else does either. Finally I decided I had to make a choice, either end my life or keep living. At that point I chose to value my life and those who were close to me.
I don’t believe every life is valuable, as there are bad people out there who harm others, like criminals/terrorists for example. However most people do matter to themselves and those around them.
I felt worthless one time and had I decided to end my life, a few individuals I cared about would’ve ended up in terrible situations, including homelessness. So we do have value, if not to ourselves then at least to those we’ve helped by just being there for them.
If you keep searching for ‘the purpose of life’ then you’re asking the wrong question, because there is no purpose, other than to exist, create, procreate and perhaps leave the world a little better off than we found it before we disappear back into that great void of non-existence.