“Hello, most of you don’t know, I mean why would you, I’m just one mass amongst 7 billion other biological masses of similar nature. But it doesn’t matter whether you know me or not because I’m leaving this world behind, forever. Some may think that this is a hoax, some may think I’m just doing this for attention, others may think of some other crazy ideas and that’s fine, I don’t care anymore because I’m done with this world. Why? This world has given me seemingly nothing but suffering and despair, it is cruel, unforgiving, and dark. Its main inhabitants are cruel, filled with hatred and ignorance. Those at the top prey on those that have nothing and those that can’t fight to oppose them. We kill each other simply because some believe it’s wrong to love a person that is different from what they say is the right person to love. We continue to poison and destroy our world, despite constant warnings from those who actually know what they’re talking about and are constantly ignored. We use religion as an excuse to commit atrocities and abuse and control others. We profile people based on the color of their skin and refer to them as different races when they aren’t and kill them because they seem “dangerous”. We invoke modern-day equivalents of slavery and exploit others all in the name of short-term political, social, economic, or financial gain, and for what? The majority of us can’t even look at the bigger picture and things that actually matter in the long run. We can’t as a whole species acknowledge that we are filled with so many problems of our making. We let the rich and powerful run practically without oversight or regulation. The way I see it, this world doesn’t deserve someone like me. Someone who can actually leave this world and travel to other stars and learn about the cosmos myself. It doesn’t deserve to learn from me when it can’t even acknowledge its own mistakes and learn from them. This tiny speck of rock and water is a prison and I shall no longer be a part of it and I will be significant on a cosmic scale as I will walk amongst the celestials in the night sky. Some of you will think this is a hoax or a conspiracy theory and that’s fine, I don’t care anymore, because what happens in this world as a whole doesn’t concern me anymore. To those that actually know me, I’m sorry, I really am, but this world has given me pain and suffering for most of my life and I can’t be a part of it anymore. Goodbye and enjoy life, for whatever it’s worth.”
This was one of my lowest points and it pretty much lead to me having suicidal thoughts later on. Looking back on it, it’s a miracle that I’m still alive and I don’t usually believe in things like miracles. Sometimes I still have these thoughts and they can be pretty strong and overwhelming. And to think that I wrote this on entry on my birthday on the 6th of this month just screams how much pain I’m in all the time to me.