Accidentally Became a Narcissist

My mother is VERY narcissistic. Always finds a way to make every situation about herself. When I sit back and think, I realize that I’m often doing the same, just not out loud. I don’t project my narcissism onto others and I feel that makes me better/? than her in some ways. But my narcissism has taken ahold of my suicidal thoughts.

I’ve always wanted to die ever since I was young, but these past couple years the one constant reason I have for wanting to kill myself, is to see who’d show up for my funeral. I want to see who shows up, who cries the hardest, who’s gonna miss me the most. I wanna know which of my fake friends are gonna claim that we were “best friends”. I want my mother to feel a fraction of the pain she causes me daily. But isn’t that a bit narcissistic? I have more reasons for wanting to die other than that but this is the main one.