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An Explanation for those I Love

by rich51bruhh

To those I love, don’t worry, I am not going anywhere. I have apparently made it worth it to go on in life, unfortunately that does not mean I have lived happily. You wonder why I am different,  wonder why I am not like my brother or how I came to be this way. You might think I am simply sad or angry, but that is not how it works. I’m lonely, miserable, and depressed. And even if you show me that you love and care for me and the people around me make it seem like I got good company, my mind finds a way to make me feel lonely. And you’re misunderstanding of what I am feeling pisses me off.

So to answer any ideas you might have, no I am not sad or angry. I am fucking depressed. If I am sad I don’t know why I am sad, I just am. Some minor inconvenience happened at work and my mind dwelled on it. Somebody did or didn’t say anything to me and my mind dwelled on it. You said something jokingly or meaningless and I took it to heart and my mind dwelled on it. Thats what it is, it is literally my mind being so fucked up it has no idea how to process shit. If I am going to cry over something that you think is not that serious, I am going to cry over that shit, because I’m a softy and I am depressed as shit. Open your fucking eyes. Mom, you told me once that maybe this is just a phase. Well this phase has dragged on for eight fucking years. Tell me, Mom, when will it end? I want this to end.

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4 comments

blue_dude15 3/2/2021 - 5:28 am

I`m glad you decided to try to live on. That takes a lot of fucking courage, the courage I probably won`t ever have. The way you described depression is really accurate and it hits close to home. I`m sorry that your family don`t understand your depression, it really hurts

flyingbluesky95 3/2/2021 - 5:44 am

Heyyyy. I can’t describe what I’ve been feeling. It’s been so hard for me to put everything into words. But, after reading your post, I’m glad that I’m not alone. I thought that I am a sensitive person and I hate feeling sensitive over everything. I still try to find a way on how to overcome this. So, let’s do this together. One fine day, maybe everything gonna be okay 🙂

system 3/3/2021 - 2:17 am

this is a very wholesome reply

ungrateful_bastard 3/3/2021 - 8:42 pm

I always type the same thing when it’s heartfelt and powerful like this one – I would hug you – you aren’t a loser – at all

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