Well i ended up doing a really big and bad burn on my arm and actually got medical attention for the 1st time. Was sent to a hosp 40mins away to their burn unit. They cleaned up the wound and put some silver medicated pad over it with some neon green wrappings and a sleeve to go over. Cant get it wet and have to leave it alone for 1 week til my next appointment.
They wanted to inpatient me but i rejected it even though i told them my whole life story. They were scared by how calm i am and theyre like “do you think hurting yourself like this is normal?” Im like its the only control i have in my life right now. My life is falling apart and hurting myself to this degree keeps me grounded mentally. Hence the reason im so non chalant n content, because if i didnt do it id be a hot mess and wild eyed.
All i could see was the sadness and the Omg you poor woman, looks, in these hospital staffs faces. If only someone could save me from this hell that ive been thrown into but they cant, no ever could. And if i was to be inpatient, id need longer then what they usually give a person. I have way too much baggage and unresolved issues and years of suppressed anger to cram it all into 1 wk of arts&crafts and 15min talks once a day.