I am beyond annoyed right now. Ever since we have been here the people who work at this shelter have treated us like we deserve to be punished for bein homeless. I spoke with the director here about my autistic son and his dietary needs n how he was starving here. So he put on our file that its okay if i supply my kids with their own food/drink. Well the 2nd shift women are now angry at this and are holding my kids food n drinks hostage because theyre like he cant have it unless u share it with every1. Like 1. I dont have food stamps and my brother supplied this stuff for my son. 2. You think your opinion matters more than your boss? 3. This is discrimination against a kid with a disability. 4. Wtf is wrong with u?! So now im gonna go to their boss and report how my son was deprived of his food n drinks at supper time because they wanted me to hand out to every1 and i cant afford that sh**. I am so tired of my kids suffering at the hands of halo inc. Halo needs to be shut down for how they punish homeless people. I reported em to human services and even hs knew about the horrible conditions and staff members. Some1 save us!!
Still here at the homeless shelter with my kids. Its been hell on earth since jan 21. I dont get along with the other women here. I miss being treated like a decent human being and being apart of society. I havent recieved any mail since the 1st week of january. My dads sentencing is coming up. I only pray my son gets the justice he deserves for what my dad did to him. Still mad that hes in his nice cozy condo with all my things there, while me an the kids are stuck in a glorified prison. I miss my dogs!!! Friends are completely gone from my life. Apparently when ur homeless friendships either are over or get put on hold til u are back on ur feet again. To hell with em too, as far as i know i have no friends, just people who used to know me. Wish god would send more luck my way. I just want things to be “normal” again. But its taking forever esp since im starting from scratch again. Im gettin too old for this.
I started self harming again. I hadnt done it in 14yrs. But i bought some chemicals and burned my arms like the good ol days. Im already regretting this choice because its all i think about now. My mind wants me to destroy my physical being as a punishment of all the hard ships i endured for so many years. Asking for help has been a bust. Not even human services wanted to help me because i seem too “calm” to be crazy apparently. Sure all these orginizations are against suicidal people and cutters, but when someone actually steps forward requiring their services, they act like they dont know what to do. Like dude just quit while youre ahead. Im done askin for help. I have a doctors appt tomorrow. Im sure shes gonna trip out about my 2nd deg burns.
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My life has been a living hell since my mother died in my arms during our camping trip this past august. Then december hit and another bombshell hit me. My father sexually assaulted my son while i was either at work or sleeping when i got home from work. Been stuck in limbo with court. As well as finding a place for me and my kids to live. I wasnt financially prepared for this move. Both sides of the family turned their backs on me and my kids because of what my father did. My friends have deserted me because they wanna live happy drama free lives and i was ruining it with my problems. So me and my kids are now stayin in a homeless shelter. And they too have treated us like garbage. Food and drink is a hit or miss. Winter and pandemic have made it hard to go anywhere just for a sit down. Being with no car, taking a bus takes us forever to get to our destination. The fact that i have lost everything and everyone, has made me see death as an escape from this hell im living. Im cold hungry thirsty stressed sad depressed and lonely. But if i kill myself i wont have all that baggage mentally hurting me daily. Nor will i ever have to worry about where to sleep or go. The shelter therapist keeps tellin me to hang on and im like for what? Theres nothing there anymore. And dont use the fact that im a parent as a reason not to be free. Ive battled myself for 3 decades. And ive battled other people for 2 decades. I deserve to be at peace. I havent had a break in so long and no specialists have ever been able to help or cure or even distract me from these thoughts. Living is a punishment for me, i dont belong here, why cant they see that?!