Hey suicide project, its me again. I have been on and off of this website for the worst part of 5 years and every time i think “ah that will be my last post” i always end up coming back. You see, problems never seem to go away and my bipolar never seems to let them go away. A small insignificant problem can really manifest itself in my life where my mental illness and poor coping habits seem to come back with a vengeance.
So lets get into todays problem, shall we? Well you see I am heartbroken, like heart ripped out of my chest heartbroken. And for no good reason either. They were not a huge part of my life, but for some reason I am feeling these emotions hard. So i started to drink again. And smoke. I sit outside on my deck and wallow in my own despair wondering why I even exist. Dramatic right? Right. I am aware of how stupid this fucking situation sounds, yet for some reason I can’t help it. The thing is my illness is starting to creep up on me again. Something so insignificant yet I can’t seem to let it go … I can feel myself going down the rabbit hole again. Not too sure if it’ll result in a mania or a depression though … I guess stay tuned to find out.
1 comment
It’s exactly how I’m feeling. But I didn’t really have a romantic interest in someone, just regular people ripping your heart out. It will never stop… There’s days where we feel somewhat calm and things that usually bother us can be pushed aside but like really 80% of our life’s it’s just a horrible game of overthinking sh*t a million times over and acting out regardless. There’s no off-button, relief in any way helps only sometimes. The past puts people that are currently participating in our lives, into a bad spot. Everyone’s important. Everyone. And way too much. (Maybe it’s not the way you feel though, I could just see myself in this, apologies if that’s so)