When I was in high school a so-called “friend” laughed at me and said “you are such a reject” for no reason. Those words always stuck with me.
I’m sick of being so hated and everyone jumping at any chance to let me know how much they don’t want me there. I’m sick of being a born loser at the bottom no matter what I do. I’m sick of being mocked and insulted and disregarded just for existing it seems. Everyone else gets support, but no, I deserved it somehow. What they do for others never seems to apply to me and me only. All I’ve ever known throughout the few decades of my pathetic existence is that I’m worthless and unwanted and that I do not belong here in the slightest. You just exist to be used & spit on so that others can drink their false sense of power and get away with it too.
I was so so dumb (people love reminding me that I’m stupid too) to think I could ever be anything and that things would ever be better. All I ever learned was that I don’t matter whatsoever. I feel like I never deserved nor wanted any part of this existence. Once I’m dead at least I’ll have peace. That’s all I want. You’d think you’d want things here but no, it’s all a lie. Just a game you don’t want to play to screw you as much as possible. Other people can have this world as they have the luxury of being normal and can live with being a disingenuous scumbag. I want no part of it and I’m at my wits end. I just need to die at this point. Nothing has convinced me to stay here otherwise and I know no one really cares. They say they do but they don’t. Staying here means having to hide because you can never be your real self. Fuck, I shouldn’t have been born. Tired of thinking because even that leads nowhere. Just desperate to die and not be ME anymore. Can’t even do that right.