I’ve been awake for a few hours now, and was able to force myself to eat something despite not having an appetite whatsoever. To be honest I’m glad I did I feel a lot less lethargic. I don’t know if I’m depressed, suicidal, or just mentally fucked up at this point. Or maybe I see the world for what it really is. What I do know is my experience in this world isn’t enjoyable, I don’t have the worst life, definitely not the best. Which I beat myself up about sometimes because people do have it worse. I don’t know, I just honestly don’t know. What I do know, is that I don’t want to be here.
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God, that feeling of uneasiness. It’s what I hate most. Nothing you do makes you feel any different. You’re just dissatisfied, for no tangible reason. It’s the most frustrating part of depression. Personally, I’ve found substances help change something within me. But when you’re in such a vulnerable place, addictions can be easy to develop too. I hope you’re feeling better now. Take care.