Long story short. I’ve been on the edge for years now. A while back I realized that instead of killing myself, I could just dissapear n look at it as a ”bonus level”. I’m sure my family would be more comfortable knowing im alive somwhere. I’ve read about some people who disappeared to start a new life n are way better off. So why not try?
The only thing thats holding me back is the fact that I’m a parent. Obviously I want the best for my kid but I’m very misserable and mentally unstable so I’m not sure which is better; two parents but one is an bipolar lunatic, or just one parent n skip the mad one completely.
If you have any experience or know of someone who ran away to start over, please feel free to share.
12 comments
It sounds like a great option if the only other option is death. I disappeared once, quit my job, packed up and moved to another country. Even changed my name. It worked for a while, a few years of relative ease (relative to suicidal misery). But reality always prevails. You’d have to be a master criminal to truly break all links to your past.
In your case it will be even harder because there may be legal complications with “abandoning” your kid. Maybe if you have a talk and tell your kid that you have to go away for a long time, tell the truth about how you need to save yourself, then it won’t be so bad.
Then depending on how committed you are, you’ll have to change your name and all that stuff. It’s a lot of work but it gave me several years to wander and find myself. As you might guess by the forum we’re on, “finding myself” led right back to suicide.
Occasionally, I feel like everything is going the right way.I got the cliche good job, home, food, family etc.
it’s a ”perfect life”, but just not for me.
Like I’m good family material. Im just a litle bit too fucked up from my own childhood.
Thank you for sharing. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
I think you can change quite a lot about your life without physically moving away. I dont think moving away will accomplish anything. You will still be you. Your thoughts will still be there.
I think it’s your mental state that needs to be altered, not your physical state.
DarkWillow.
I am actually trying to get myself to contact this one rehabilitation centre near me. I want to get properly diagnosed but I’m just too scared to know how messed up I actually am.
Hopefully I’ll give ’em a call tomorrow n who knows, maybe I’ll get the help that i need to learn to appreciate the things I have, and how not to let my ptsd control my present life.
I appreciate you giving yourself the time to read and reply to my post.
I relate to your feelings of having everything but still feeling lost but that’s not what I came here to say, it’s a bit off topic but this comment reminds me of the song “institutionalized”, I know it from Senses Fail but I think it was done by other bands too. If you feel like it check it out but I do recommend a video with lyrics as some parts are difficult to understand.
Gotta agree with Darkwillow. While technically I didn’t “disappear”, I did pack some stuff, tossed the rest, and moved across the country several years ago. The change of scenery helped, but once the novelty wears off, there you are…standing toe to toe with the same person you were before you left.
Technically i did. Got kicked out of home. Got kicked out of school (none of it my fault btw). Stopped talking to all my ‘friends’ and just started over.
Im feeling like its almost time to do so again though.
I guess I’m qualified to answer this question. I ran away a couple of years ago and haven’t been home since. Packing up and starting over has become a crutch ever since. Every time I’m afraid or I feel shitty or lonely or whatever I just want to move again. I’ve lived in four cities in 2021. But like Once said, it makes no difference. At the end of the day, the problem is still me.
I think it benefits a kid to have two parents. And it’s tough being a single parent. Please don’t abandon your kid. They would be better off without you. If you’re intent on restarting, help support your kid financially, at the very least.
Yikes there’s a typo in there the would is wouldn’t. I’m sorry that’s a badly placed typo.
(fixed it)
I guess I’m qualified to answer this question. I ran away a couple of years ago and haven’t been home since. Packing up and starting over has become a crutch ever since. Every time I’m afraid or I feel shitty or lonely or whatever I just want to move again. I’ve lived in four cities in 2021. But like Once said, it makes no difference. At the end of the day, the problem is still me.
I think it benefits a kid to have two parents. And it’s tough being a single parent. Please don’t abandon your kid. They wouldn’t be better off without you. If you’re intent on restarting, help support your kid financially, at the very least.
From experience, moving is great. It can give you that boost of motivation. I moved and I took everything about myself that I did not like and I changed it. The only issue is that, my mental illness doesn’t go away, it just gets buried for a while. I had a traumatic event and it catapulted me back in the lowest cycle of depression. It was then I realized that the change has to heal from within. BUT…overall the fresh start did help me. I plan to do it again.
It’s probably worth a shot if death is the alternative. What will you do for work? How will you live differently in a new place?