i feel like a liar. im pretending to be ok but im not. nothing is ok. i moved out and live with my significant other. things have only gotten worse. i feel so alone. i still want to kill myself and i feel trapped in my relationship, my home, my job, everything. i just want to die. i am tired of trying. i dont give a fuck about the world and do not care about seeing it or meeting new people. i want to cut myself so badly until i bleed to death. im such a piece of shit. i dont even make sense. and im lying to everyone. i will kill myself and im going to leave everyone heartbroken. they will move and ill be forgotten like i never existed in the first place. and fuck god for creating me. that shit doesn’t exist but fuck it and its follows anyway.
3 comments
I just want to wrap my arms around you.
Look into your eyes and see beyond your pain.
See beyond your mental picture of you.
To see you. My heart pours open for your suffering.
May I offer you my love and may your receive it.
Life is never a bowl of cherries, you can change things, it’s up to you.
As someone who has worked with some of the most evil SOBs on the planet; I think you are overestimating your damage. It hurts more because it relates to your sense of self, not because yourself is a “bad person”. People just are. They make decisions that can be awful, but that’s correctable.
Not that I have the cure for self loathing. If I ever find it, I’d become very wealthy indeed.