Back when everything shut down, millions of people were having their life at their worst; but for me in only made me better. I stopped taking my meds because I no longer needed them, and I knew that I wouldn’t have to make contact with anybody for a while; it was the best mental break for me. The whole year I was happy spending my senior year of high school at home not having to make face to face contact with anybody. Now summer is over and I started college in person, and boy did I remember how much I hated school and all the homework. It is only my third week back in school and I have broken down at least 4 times every single week multiple times in a day. I’ve already missed assignments, and I already have people against me, and now I’m not so sure if what I’m majoring in is really what I want to do. Even though for the past 5 years I’ve known that that is what I wanted to do, I don’t know why now I am struggling to want to pursue it anymore… Yes I know; “it’s college you can change your major to something you may be more interested in” “if you don’t know what you want to do you can always change to ‘undecided’ its up to you.” But I don’t feel interested in anything anymore, and I really feel like college isn’t for me. And lately I’ve been putting applications for jobs, but I haven’t heard back from any of them. Like lately, all I feel is that I have no purpose anymore, and I’ve been really having urges to just disappear or die :((
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that’s familiar, but I don’t think you’ll find much meaning in the private sector either. I went to school off and on for the past 14 years, I graduated last year with my BS in psychology, and it is utter BS. Now, however, I have all of these analytic tools. Not ones with an economicly viable career in it, but I’m hoping I can collect enough support to burn down the system that at every turn failed me.
Maybe it isn’t you, it probably isn’t you actually. You care enough to be introspective, the majority of humanity doesn’t. It’s a broken system keeping the corrupt and cruel in power at the expense of the thoughtful and kind. Here’s the best part; it’s collapsing.
I was where you are in 2010, 2015, 2017 and 2020. The thing about going through such things is that you start to notice patterns. The companies I worked for were glad to be there for me when the sun was shining and the economy growing, but the minute the slightest thing went wrong, I had to pay for it, even if I had no input into the attainment of that outcome.
The solution isn’t to die, the solution is to look for ways to make the square normies wake up and deal with the problem.
I got the 4 year degree. It did not enrich my life in any economic form, but it did teach me how to think critically and spared me from having to enter the work(slave) force for a few years. I was undecided and got the most general degree possible.
It has been 17 years since then, and I still haven’t found anything good.
Every job has inspired the same feelings you had described when having to return to school in person. Perhaps it is that we are feeling other people’s feelings? I am certainly empathic and I learned that the hard way. It feels so much better to be far away from all the normies.
The bitter news to swallow is the fact that being popular and being a social media machine with no soul will get you further in life than a reciept from a place that might, MIGHT, allow you admittance to a career.
Whatever you study make sure it brings practical work experience with it, else the no work no experience, no experience no work paradox will be used to put you into the wage slave system.
You strike me as someone like myself, who cannot stand the prospect of existing as a husk of a being selling themselves on social media or anywhere else to please people.
Alas people like me find ourselves on a difficult path where our abilities arent endorsed by society and must find ways not to be hooked by wage slavery and poverty.
Thus I stress, make sure your degree gives relevant job experience, even if not perfect or exacly right fitting to you right now. But if you stay true you won’t end up as aimless as me. You’ll get to choose how you work, from home where ugly people can’t get to you as much. The ground work now is hard, but I know you have it in you to get past it.
Don’t let them get to you, you focus on getting through, that’s it. easier said than done I know, but again I know you have the power to get past this.