Last night was a big crash, finally came to a head with the thing that I don’t belong, I don’t want to belong, and I despise anyone who does. The problem; I’m averaging 12 hours a day distracting myself. I do really well, for that long. The problem is I’m starting to be awake for 18 hours a day, that’s 6 hours I haven’t been able to avoid the nasty facts.
I can’t even read my technical manuals, because as soon as it gets to “preserve profits” my gut reaction is “Fuck that, capitalist swine.”
So now my solution is to isolate, to run away, and sleep as many hours of the day as I can get away with. Awakeness is gonna kill me, but rest is gonna free me.