i read. learning what i can about whats wrong with me so i can better understand it and have a better chance at “recovery”.
but the more i read, the more it hurts, the more i hate myself. the more i question why.
why shouldnt i fucking kill myself!!!???
im constantly faced with reasons why im better of dead and the best reason to live is because ill be missed…
im hurting. literally! my body aches, my depression makes me nauseous, my head hurts. i cant fucking live like this. no one should be expected to live like this….
“You’ll probably be given several telephone numbers to use if you think you may be experiencing a crisis (when symptoms are particularly severe and you have an increased risk of self-harm).”
lol id never get off the phone with them
2 comments
I’ve spent a fair amount of time on the phone with my local crisis center, they tend to sort me into “settle down, call back if it gets worse”, lately they can get me off the phone in 20-45 minutes. It’s heartless, and cruel, but somehow I admire the efficiency. I could never let someone go feeling like I do, probably why I failed out of the helping professions.
Yeah the whole “settle down” thing wouldn’t work for me… I’m in a constant state of “this is what’s best”