Y’all may know me from way back, depressed and suicidal. I have been dating this very sad and distressed boy, he recently jumped infront of a car and was killed instantly. It happened so fast, he was dead before the ambulance arrived, I was blocks away. I was gonna pick him up bc he was walking home drunk. He told me he was depressed that he wanted to kill him self. I told him I’ll call off work, and he said, “no don’t chill my friends coming”. I still tried to pick him up but he wasn’t where he said he was. 20 mins later I get a call from his friend saying he passed away. I just saw the video surveillance, he was running into the street and on purpose and he stretched out his arms as the he jump in-front of the car. It was intentional. I had no idea. He and I both were emotional, but I guess he was just so much more. I friend that didn’t know us well said I made him miserable and he did it bc of me ( he abused me and we broke up and he got better for me and I couldn’t recover and he also cheated on me) he showed this friend one of ours last fights in text messages where he pushed me bc he was butt hurt about a game then beaten up by his friend bc of that and then said he’d kill himself then broke my car window and I called the cops. It was bad but trust that rarely happened like we were so much better has a couple, no fighting the day it happened excepted when I sent him bad news that made him sad, I sent it to him for comfort, I feel dumb doing that now. I didn’t know. He was going to work drunk all the time and I was hard on him bc I was worried when I should’ve been kinder. He was being bullied at work, that or he liked a girl and she didn’t leave her guy for him and he didn’t like that. Either way the whole situation is shit. I’m dying. I wanna kill myself, I’m suicidal and now this shit??? Fuuuckkkk.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
That really sucks u bf took his own life. He was at his critical stage. His own breaking point. Sometimes there’s nothing u can do about it. Some people don’t even tell their love ones that their about to do something they will regret. If there’s any advice I could give is to live on for him. That and start some self loving. Doing something you enjoy doing. It won’t be easy at first, but id give it time.
A few years ago, my abusive ex jumped in front of a train. It may not have been my fault, but it was because of me. I know that intense feeling of loss and wanting to end everything. Three years later, I’ve come to peace with what happened for the most part. My subconscious still blames myself, but I know logically I am not to blame. I believe he’s at peace now. I think both of our partners had deep seated issues and were in immense pain. With death comes an ending to that. I understand wanting to die after something like this- I too was suicidal before I found out what had happened to him. But now that I feel I’m reaching the end of my life, it’s no longer something that pains me quite as much. Perhaps we’ll meet again one day, free of our suffering. I hope you can find peace and healing after something so traumatic has happened.
I emailed you- I should be around for a few more days at least if you care to talk.
First of all whoever told you he did it bc of you can go to hell. Seriously that person can f off. Don’t ever listen to anyone like that. Except in the case of young children suicide is ALWAYS the choice of the person who does it. Nobody forced him to jump in front of a car. He traumatised the poor driver for life, he traumatised you, his family, etc. From what you described he had a clear pattern of being selfish (cheating on you? busting your car window? expecting some random girl to break up with her bf for him?)
I dont mean to slam on him, obv he had a lot of pain. but my point is do NOT feel guilty for anything you did. Sounds like he was in a death spiral long before you met him. Please just take care of yourself, you’re the one who’s at risk now. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and your ‘friend’ is making it worse by blaming you.
I’m sorry.
Wait, so his friend beat him up, he himself abused you, but his friend is saying you’re to blame? Wow.
I know this is easy for someone else to say, but don’t let people abuse you. You’re worth more than that.
He had some really bad issues but had worked so hard on himself and became a better person for me. I was alway pretty harsh on him, but looking back I didn’t need to. He was everything I ever wanted. He felt everything so so strongly and the world was very evil to him. He was trans and most ppl and family didn’t accept him. That’s why we were each other’s own family. He was always in constantly pain and would have anxiety attacks. although we loved each other his pain would always come back. He had so much stress in his life and bullying at work, this was just like him to lose his mind while drunk and do this. I’d always hate when he drank without me, bc I constantly needed to take care of him, idk how he wouldn’t die without someone to carry him home and keep him from doing something stupid.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please don’t feel you are responsible in any way. If a person truly wants to die they can always find a way.
Only an infant needs to be cared for and watched all the time.
Once grown up, IDK exactly what age, but let’s just say by age 10-12 we all have free will over what happens to our own bodies.
We’re born alone (sort of) and we die alone, and that’s just how it is.
I don’t know if this helps, but I hope so. Just like nobody can force you to feel a certain why, you too can not force somebody else.
It’s nice that you cared so much, and again I’m sorry for your loss,
but again it was not a decision you made – your friend decided all on their own + you need to accept that. Take care.
oops-I didn’t realize there were posts above yours Miss Dysphoria at 9pm.
I’ll read them now, but doubt my reply will change much.