I feel like my friends don’t hang out with me like they use to, and I just need to not be alone right now….I just want to cry cuz it feels so shitty
I haven’t been on here in so long it feels like, which is probably a good thing, this forum was keeping me depressed everyone was killing themselves and I was just stuck on the other side alone with my sadness, so I left for a long time and started to get better. I graduated from college got my degree, moved to the big city with some great people who will become very successful actors/directors. and I get to run to the beach every day, just like I always wanted. I still have my highs and lows, but am able to handle it for the most part. just thought i’d share some good news, for all the people feeling bad and sad. and that my life isnt perfect but its a hell of a lot better than it use to. everyone deserves to be happy.
I feel like a loose cannon, i’m going crazy! like when arn’t I…but fuck, i just feel like i could do right about anything these days. for instance, I just took like a handful of sleeping pills, cuz i really wanna go the fuck to sleep to turn this crazy shit off!
I am not terribly depressed at the moment, however; I feel I may just kill myself out of boredom. I’m bored with life, nothing interests me, and there’s nothing I care about.
Did it! I broke up with my boyfriend. I could actually use a lot of friends here. I don’t have any on this side. Also realized, this day last year I first checked myself into a mental hospital. how fitting.
I think I’m finally close to doing it. (Not taking about killing myself, that will come in due time) But my boyfriend is the most depressing thing in my life right now. I’ve been with him twice as long as anyone else, and he’s only given me half the attention anyone else has. When we hang out together we literally do nothing together, he sits on his huge gaming rig and plays for hours. That’s it, that’s all we do. Or should I say all he does. When was the last time he took me out, on a date or something? I don’t know….I’m not sure if he ever has. I’ve taken him out to eat, which is like a date, but I paid, it was the only way I could convince him to do anything with me. When we do actually have conversations, it’s just him talking at me, I never get a word in edgewise, and it’s usually something I don’t even care to talk about, like some new game that was released or something on Reddit. And it’s like he has no clue how unhappy I am. He is so happy with me, I’m the perfect girlfriend. I surprise him with his favorite food when he’s having a bad day. I walk his dog when he is too lazy to get off his computer, we have lots of sex (but of course it’s over immediately once he finishes.) I am very forgiving whenever he hurts my feelings, and I end up being the one who apologizes when it was he who hurt me in the first place. He makes fun of my friends who are a little overweight, and already super self-conscious of it. And he never invites me out when he’s hanging with his friends at the bar, or having dinner. And I always invite him to hang out with my friends, even when I know he will decline. And the one time I asked him if I could go with him to get food with him and is buddy, he freaked out like I was invading on his guy time (which he gets plenty of) I never hangout with my friends mostly cause I don’t really have any besides my roommates and their friends. Which is probably why I haven’t broken up with him. He’s pretty much the only person I have anymore. He’s broken up with me a few times in the past, saying he suddenly has no feelings for me and he can’t even feel sorry for me, cause he just has no feelings of any kind. I tried killing myself after that but he called the cops before I had a good chance. This morning we were supposed to go to my favorite breakfast restaurant I coaxed him into going with me. And this morning the moment he woke up he left. Like thanks for remembering we had plans, but whatever, not like that’s ever been important before. I wonder how much he really even knows about me, it’s always been about him. I’m so sick of being treated like I don’t matter. He’s going to graduate grad school in the spring and start hes new job in the city, and probably wont invite me along. hes going to get paid fucking well, and he can be rich all by his lonesome self. I rather be poor and happy and single.
Every time I see someone post about how they really what to have an SO I feel so guilty. Because I have one, but its so wasted on me. its the most bland, lame, tiring relationship ever. It didn’t use to be. It use to be amazing, kept my heart racing and life was so much more thrilling and emotional. but now, we’ve broken up and gotten back together so many times, and at this post we can see the end coming up soon. so right now, I just feel so unsatisfied and more lonely then ever. its like he’s there but not really there. I tell him I’ve been feeling crappy lately and how is he doing? but he says he’s fine, and doesn’t acknowledge how i feel. which I’m trying to hint to him that I’m coming down on another depressive episode, everything sucks. but whatever it will all be over soon enough….
I Hate thinking about the future and my plans, but I’m at the point where I need to make some important life decisions. So I finally planned out something, and in the end I’ll get to kill myself before I’m 30. Its the only way I can convince myself to move forward in life, even if its only for a few more years. I prefer a sweet and short life, not a long lonely painful one.
Im so fucking depressed, i dont know how anyone could even help me. Last week my bf broke up with me and ive been in denial ever since, and it just now it hit me. I am so devistated.
I’ve been lying to everyone about how good im doing in school and that ill be graduating in two weeks and have all these great plans for the future and that me and my bf are happy and i have jobs lined up and everything they expect to here.
But im not doing well in school at all. Im failing four classes so i wont be graduating. Im not going back to school and i have no jobs lined up, havent even looked into it. Ill be moving in a month but i have no house situation prepared. And i dont think me and my bf are doing well. The only reason he isnt breaking up with me is because he thinks ill kill myself. So i expect him to do it after schools out and hes moves. Its just a matter of time. He talks to me less and seems to be avoiding me. My roommate is also very unhelpful knowing i stopped my medication because i dont think its right for me. She just tells me life is only gonna get harder…thanks but i do just fine at filling my head with negative thoughts, dont need anyone else helping…
Might possibly even hate.
I think it was the first time this year. My social skill definitely have taken a toll because of it.
But i’m back alone in my dark small room now. ugh this is how my whole life is gonna be. i don’t want it. ill just die now thanks.
Just been cry about this cuz thats the best I can do. Ugh I hate myself!
Its so easy for some ppl to fall asleep. I dont understand that.
To remember I dont have a fucking mom. And i’m glad. And l dont care if l sound immature.
One day i will die and it will feel amazing.