No One to Blame

Maybe, it is me who is my own culprit, it is my fault that I did not act the way I was supposed to in order to survive in this cruel world. Maybe, everything that is bothering me is just an illusion, it is a noise coming from my mind that is making me feel worthless, reminding me constantly of all my flaws and insecurities. Maybe, I wronged myself by having expectations on others, hoping they would understand me, hoping that they will turn out the way I want , hoping they will bring happiness and well-being in my life. Maybe, I should have learned to believe in a superior power which you all know as god and which may, may not have created my existence. At times I think, how relieving it would have been for me to let my gourd down to that magical power believing that He will fix everything. Maybe, I am forgetting to be grateful for everything I have now, all that little things someone else may dream for day and night. Maybe, I am repeatedly torturing myself thinking about all the nightmares that I once saw with eyes opened. Maybe, I am still stuck in those phases of my life which are over way back that it should not even bother me now. Maybe, I could have learned the art of happiness just like any other worldly knowledge. Maybe, I do not want happiness, all my sadness is made up in my subconscious mind  to seek validity and love from others. May be, I am not happy because I do not know how to love myself and find peace within. Maybe, I do not have anyone else to blame for the constant pain and agony that is happening inside.

Whatever the reason is, however it has happened,
All I want is to get rid of this pain !!!