Extra Itchy

It’s like an itch in my mind. Something that refuses to go away. It’s been little more than a week since I have decided to finally give up. To finally stop bothering her and just let her be. To stop torturing myself and hoping that she cares about me. She doesn’t need me. She has friends and other things going on. She doesn’t care. I repeat these things in my head over and over and over again, but it’s still itchy. Lately I just go to sleep if I have nothing to do. Then I wake up at 3 in the morning and think about her and stare at the ceiling and hope I can go back to sleep. Apparently the neurons in your head reform the more you think about something before going to sleep. It strengthens the connections and you are less likely to forget it. That’s a pain. Right now it has been a week. A week will become two, will become 4 will become a month will become 6 months will become a year. Little by little by little I’ll finally forget. It does make me sad to think of all the happy times, but maybe they didn’t really mean anything. Maybe the memories are more “rosy” than what they actually were. It’s a tiring experience. I’m probably just a crazy person. Crazy looney hermit. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter honestly. So tiring and grating. Thinking about the same thing over and over and over again. It’s always been so depressing to have only this thing to really empty out whatever shitty thoughts cycle through my head.