Remembering This Reddit

I remember briefly reading this one reddit post about being fated to die by suicide. Some people are meant to be doctors, some are meant to be successful and rich. Some, are just meant to suffer and die. Maybe that’s it. But because life is unfair like that, we’re all still here doing whatever we need to do.

Am I fated to die by my own hands myself? I don’t know for sure but I don’t think I could live a good fairly smooth life in this lifetime. Everything I try to do to increase my social standing I back off from it on my own. I can’t do anything without crumbling from the littlest stress and it’s ironic how when I look at my birth chart, I thought I see someone who would find happiness in their work life.

Unfortunately for me, I can’t even study well. I can’t do jobs well. I can’t do everything good enough that would make me be self-sufficient. It’s humiliating. I don’t really have much I could look back to for having done it and be proud for it. I’m not getting any younger but I don’t even have any savings for life. I so badly wish I could just die so I don’t have to think about how to cope or how to live or how to find a job or how to stay in a relationship and do well at it.

I don’t know how to be a good human. And when there’s a time to prove that I’m ‘good’, I do nothing. I’m not called to be the bigger person or whatever. I don’t care enough to. If my loved ones are suffering then I guess that’s their fault for stopping me from trying to die.

This one character said that being high is better than committing suicide. I don’t know which is worse but I guess I’d rather just die than having to be sober and living through all this bullshit. And I had been awake through all these while. Knowing I’m useless and reeling in it.

It sucks even more to know that I actually have people relying on me. Disgusting. Can’t you do all this life bullshit on your own without me being in it. This is all so dumb and unnecessary pain. I’d take death than having to be really sad about things I can’t change. The things I can’t ever do. The pitifulness of being condescended to.

“Don’t be jealous. Don’t be hateful. Otherwise blessings won’t come your way.” What rich people bullshit you are talking about. “Spending money makes this goddess look to you.” More rich people bullshit. Some of you are too privileged to even look at the reality. The reality that we’re all poor and luxury isn’t for everyone that’s alive on earth. Not in 2022 and not in any other century.

I’m not going to go about the system being unfair and the bullshit about capitalism or socialism. Life sucks. Life is terrible. And it had always been like this since aeons ago. People had always been suffering and dying. Some few people had always been the richer ones. That is all there is to it.

I don’t want to suck it up and actually live through this nonsensical world. Not when I have the choice to just die and have it all gone. Yea. If I get reincarnated, I’ll just go kill myself again. I don’t want to live. I hate being alive.