i dont know how i feel

even as i write this, it feels like a lie. maybe it is a lie. maybe i’m just desperate for attention. but here we are.
i dont know how i feel. i always think i begin to, but as soon as i feel emotion it disappears. not out of thin air, but i’ll sit and think “is this real? do i feel this? are you sure? are you doing this for attention?” and it kills me. i don’t know who i am or what i think. i feel so disconnected from my body and mind. i feel this way even as i sit and write this. no one understands what it could be. my doctor doesnt know what to do for me. i dont know what to do for me. does anyone else feel this way? anyone?